Milestone Week!

This was a week of milestones!

For starters, Tuesday was Mercy's FIVE MONTH birthday!!! Can you believe that? The time has truly flown, and this baby girl is GROWING. UP.

We also had an OT visit Tuesday, where Mercy showed us how she can swat at things! Not grabbing yet, but swatting is new and almost there! Proud of that girl!

On Thursday we had a doctor's visit, and Mercy is 9lb 9.5oz! Look at these rolls:

While at the doctor we got two big announcements:

First, it's time to STOP. GIVING. HER. CAFFEINE! Our sleep study will be July 10th and she has to be completely off caffeine for at least two weeks beforehand. This is a really big deal, because if she passes her sleep study, we get to turn in the heart monitor and be completely wire-free permanently! We've been trying to wean ourselves off of the monitor over the last week or so, leaving it off of her when she's awake and we're right by her. It's going to definitely take some getting used to, especially overnight, but we are so so SOOO looking forward to being 'unattached'! Yay!

And second, since Mercy is five months old, we get to start giving her rice cereal!! ...with a SPOON! It's seriously adorable and... interestingly difficult at the same time. I always enjoy seeing her learn new skills, and this has been no exception! Look how precious:

So, we're heading to the beach tomorrow... I had Mercy barricaded on the bed while I folded laundry and packed for the trip. She has this new toy that sings, giggles and lights up when it's touched or moved. She is fascinated by the lights and the mirror, so every time it stopped, I leaned over and touched it for her.

I stepped out of the room briefly and heard the toy start singing! She made it turn on on her own!!! Oh my! I rushed in and she was just smiling in the mirror... and every time the noise stopped, she slung her hand against it to start it up again! She was really getting it! Of course, I couldn't let this happen without  snapping a photo:

I cannot get enough of this kid! I pretty much didn't accomplish anything after that, I just couldn't stop watching her play and learn! Awesome!

Mercy and this fun toy... totally opposite responses to their wants...

Mercy wants to be entertained, and she knows how to get a response. She just has to reach out for it.

The toy, it wants to be reached out to, but it won't do anything until it's touched...

Are you more like Mercy or her toy?

Sometimes we want God to act in our lives so badly, but we don't do anything. We just wait here, hoping He does something because He's God and because we say that we love Him.

Other times, when we need closeness to Him and peace from Him, we talk to Him, we show that we love Him, we reach out to touch Him and enjoy Him. And He acts in our lives! He reveals His peace in ways we will never comprehend. He reveals His glorious beauty and brings us joy even in times of trials.

Often, I find myself waiting. I know that God knows the desires of my heart, and I do love Him, right? ...so I'll just do my own thing, go about my business, and surely He'll eventually act...

I'm just not convinced that's how He asks us to love Him...

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him, and he will act.

Psalm 37:3-5

Delight in Him, reach out to Him and enjoy Him. He knows that the greatest need and desire of our hearts is peace in His will, and He has an abundance of that to give out. I know it won't be so difficult to receive when we've devoted ourselves to delighting in HIM alone.

When Mercy has the desire to see those lights blinking and hear that silly music, she has learned just what she needs to do. She reaches out, and delights in what she sees! It draws her back in over and over!

Our God draws us into His heart. He will continually do this as we trust in Him, delight in Him, commit our ways to Him! 

Let's stop saying that we love Him and waiting for Him to act... Instead let's show Him how much we love Him and delight in how He will act and already has acted in our lives! It's good, life changing stuff!

Friends, your prayers for life off of caffeine are much appreciated. It's been three days, still no alarms and we truly believe she has outgrown the apnea and bradycardia. We think we're ready, we feel completely sure she's ready. We'll see, July 10th is a big day!

Thank you, we love you all! ...so so so very much!

Sweet Little Feetsies!

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed?

And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard?

And how are they to hear without someone preaching?

And how are they to preach unless they are sent?

As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” 

Romans 10:13-15

How sweet are these little feetsies??

Thank you http://www.melissabreedlove.com/!

I mean, we literally cannot get enough of them!

Watching them grow has been so. much. fun.

Socked or bare, doesn't matter... (she's usually bare, fyi)

...even underwater. CUTE. Period.

She sticks that big toe out, she's done it since day one. It is seriously one of the most precious things I've ever seen. I cannot do it, it's one of those Mercy gifts that is just uniquely her's. 

We love it. We love HER.

We love the things her Father teaches us through even just her precious details... like her sweet. little. feetsies!

Chris is in Puerto Rico this week with the youth group. Beautiful feet, spreading Jesus' love, taking seriously the call to "GO."

Mercy and I are missing him like crazy! ...but I'm so proud of this group of young people who are completely stepping out of their comfort zone to reach out to people who speak a language they don't understand, to work hard and long in super hot heat, to love strangers the way that Christ has loved them... to walk a path they've not walked before and to use their feet in ways they've never been used before.

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” 

When I look at Mercy's sweet feetsies, I can't help but wonder where He will lead them, what good and perfect path He has laid out for them to walk... I wonder if they will follow... or if those little feet will turn away from His good and perfect path and try to forge their own way.

Those are hard things to think about. We pray for her salvation each and every day and ultimately, we know it's in her Father's hands... and we trust Him. We believe He has beautiful plans for this little lady and we are excited to see them play out... may not happen exactly the way we want it to happen, there may be some months or years of running away from Him, or she may follow His call far, far away, maybe she follows His call and is a short drive away from her daddy and I forever (that's the preferred option!) If her future path is anything like the path she was on her first few months, it will most definitely be an adventurous one!

...whatever it is, we are excited to see where He leads those beautiful feet and how he uses them to spread His good news: Jesus! 

Gets me thinking about my own feet... the paths they have walked, the ways they've been used and the running that they've done. Have they brought the good news to the lost? Have they represented well the feet of Jesus? They seem well callused and worn from the trials and excitement, and the funny thing is: I know they are still only in the very first miles of their journey... and I can't ask those hard questions about Mercy's little feet if I can't ask them about my own: I wonder where He will lead them, and I wonder, will they follow?

I believe God looks at our feet the way Chris and I look at Mercy's, with intense love and desire for them to walk towards Him.

We are all called to use our feet. We are called to use them to spread the love of Jesus and the journey that His feet walked, the journey up a hill with a wooden cross on His back... the journey that rescued you and I from death... the journey that gives us the opportunity to breathe in new life each and every day... How can we not love the beautiful feet that walked that path for us when we should have been walking it ourselves, how can we not share their journey and run towards Him who spared our feet??? 

Let's choose today to look at our feet in a new light... as precious little feetsies that God says are beautiful, that He loves much more than Chris and I love our sweet little Mercy's, and with much greater desire to see them walk a path that He has laid out for them, one that glorifies Him and shares His journey. 

We are all called to use our feet.

How will you use yours?

Development

putting weight on her legs and standing on the table with a little help from daddy!

We have an occupational therapist coming to our home every two weeks to work with Mercy and track her development... you know, make sure she's coming along as she should be. She gave us a monthly/bimonthly checklist of things Mercy should be accomplishing, and I thought it might be interesting to share with y'all what we're working on and how Mercy is doing during this process. I'll update on this every time we reach a new set of goals.

So.. According to Mercy's due date, she would be a little over 2 months old, and that's how we measure her development.

The checklist for a healthy 2 month old is this:

• lifts head prone and turns it side to side
• This means she lifts her head and turns it while she's lying on her tummy; she does this very well!!
• tracks across midline 
• This means she follows objects with her eyes as they move across her 'midline;' she's been doing this for a month or so, it's awesome to see her watch one of us stand up and she'll follow us across the room as far as her head will turn!
• turns to side of sound
• This means she turns her head and looks toward the direction sound is coming from; at church last Sunday when Chris got up to give the greeting, she turned her head toward the pulpit the second he started speaking!
• holds objects briefly
• This is self explanatory and if you've seen this little video: http://youtu.be/Qonr8S3CTEc  you can see she is clearly doing this! (I watch this video every day over and over again!! It's seriously one of the cutest things ever!)
• smiles to audible/tactile stimulation
• She is literally ALL SMILES the minute she hears her daddy's voice when he gets home from work! Daddy's girl!
• makes cooing sounds
• This is so much fun for us! She is such a talker, always making happy squeels and what sounds like Pillsbury Doughboy giggles! Gotta get that on camera! Maybe she won't be so awkwardly shy like her momma was!
• decreased head lag pull to sit
• I'm pretty sure this means that when we pull her by her hands to the sitting position from lying on her back, she holds her head up on the way; and she does!
• hand to mouth for self calming
• She hasn't quite figured out how to consistently get that thumb in there yet, but she sucks on those fists like there's no tomorrow!

She passed all of her "tests" with the OT today and is right where she should be in her motor development! Her daddy and I couldn't be prouder of her!

These little steps of development have been so much fun for us to watch. Each new little accomplishment is such an exciting celebration. We actually had a pretty awesome moment today when we were working with her on rolling from her belly to her back... she did it over and over again! Really big deal, that's not on the list until three months! I'll get that video up on youtube soon...

Stop reading now if you're not interested in my emotional drama! But... I've been doing some developing of my own... as a mother, a wife, a woman of God... and what I'm seeing is that Mercy is developing at a much speedier rate than I am!

I've been a momma for 4 1/2 months now, there are some parts of this housewife/mom journey that I hoped I would have down by now... In some areas I've done ok, in others I've failed miserably...

Here we go:

• wakes up at a decent time of the morning and starts moving
• ok, one important thing to understand here is that Mercy likes to sleep as much as I do. Maybe that's an overstatement (ok, probably) but she gives us 9-10 nighttime hours every few days, which is amazing, and she's usually waking me up for the day around 9 or 9:30. That being said, depending on how well you know me, you may understand just how big of a deal 9:30 is!
• keeps the house tidy so Chris can come home and feel relaxed and surrounded by clean-ness
• I struggle a lot with something I inherited called "being lazy" and "procrastination." Period. I have a lot of developing to do here. Ok, one more thing... really, if you came for a visit before I became a momma and and after, you would notice a pretty serious difference in cleanliness... still have a lot of work to do though!
• does the grocery shopping and dinner cooking, only making delicious meals on a small budget!
• I have to say that this is slowly becoming one of my victories (maybe not the delicious part :/ ) but weekly menu planning has saved my life, and I'm enjoying the kitchen more than I ever have before! 
• accepts reality and the hardships that come with mommy-ing a preemie, and has increased patience and trust as she grows
• I would say this was a fail until a couple weeks ago when I had a hard conversation with something we're now calling my "bosom buddy."(A Hard Conversation) Attitude shift.... and on a super awesome note, we're now nursing with no follow up bottle two-three feedings a day, and when we do follow up with a bottle, it's typically no more than two ounces, usually less! I'm almost in tears over here! We have really turned a corner, and even though my freezer is out of pumped milk and the bottles we're giving her are mostly formula, I have been granted peace beyond understanding. God is working in a mighty way and renewing my trust daily! This is a victory!
• eats three decent meals a day
• Fail. I usually eat breakfast but almost always forget lunch until about 4:00, too close to dinner! Can't produce milk if I don't eat and drink. Got some work to do.....
• displays an attitude of Godly forgiveness and grace in my thoughts toward my doctor for calling my baby girl "it" and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of other things I'm bitter about with said "doctor"
• Clearly, this is a miserable fail. I have some serious praying to do about this... it's just that every time I try I get angry and bitter... hmm... maybe that's where I start...
• sets a positive example as a Godly wife and momma for Mercy to watch as she grows
• I don't think this is something that can be fully measured or ever completely developed, more like something that can be worked towards and strived for, and that is definitely what I do, some days more effectively than others, and I trust God to use me in ways I know are immeasurable.
• unconditionally loves the mess out of that baby girl with every fiber of my being, even when she's pooping down my leg and screaming bloody murder in my ear
• It's a victory... and there's lot's of pooping going on!

There's so much more, I don't want to overwhelm you with my developmental drama so I'll save some for her three month list!

Mercy and I are growing together, and we both still have a lot of growing to do. Mercy physically and me spiritually. Can't wait to see God begin to develop our sweet girl's heart for Him, I believe He already is! God is changing both of us each and every day, in fact, some days I look at little Mercy and feel like I can physically see the ounce she put on over the last 24 hours! She is getting so big so fast, probably about 9 pounds now! As quickly as she's growing and as slowly as I am, I know we both still have miles and miles to go before we're done.... actually, are we ever done growing? I don't think so...

What are some areas of development you're working on? How is God changing and molding you as you grow?

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

-Romans 12:1&2

Let's set some goals today and trust God to give us what we need to do what He's called us to do: to grow and develop, to be transformed, more and more into His image each day!

Love to all of you from the Ellzey's! Thank you for your continued prayers, we are loving every new step of this journey and so grateful to each of you for prayerfully helping us get here!

Meet Luke

But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

Luke 18:16-17

Many of you walked the journey of loss with me nine years ago as we traveled to Indiana to bury a child I loved like a daughter in a cemetery surrounded by apple trees. (read:

http://hiseverydaymercies.blogspot.com/2004_11_01_archive.html

 &

/hiseverydaymercies/2011/01/fuzzy-wuzzy-cindy-was-great-caterpillar.html

)

That was a hard time for me. 

Loss is hard

... Even when you know your loved one is worshipping her Creator as they eagerly await your arrival into the Kingdom of God. What a joyous day that will be!

But let's face it... in the meantime, loss sucks. It just does. And there's not really anything we can do about it.

Meet Luke Malone:

Luke came into the world via Scott and Melissa Malone on October 4, 2012 at 24 weeks gestation and weighing 1lb 10oz.

He spent 38 sweet days with his momma and daddy and now, Luke worships his Creator as he awaits a joyful reunion with his parents when they join him in the Kingdom of God.

38 days...

38 days that changed the lives of his parents and those who followed his journey: (

http://preemiemum12.blogspot.com/

)

38 days that would eventually effect me in ways I never would have expected...

Melissa is a close friend of my sister's. Corrie began sending me text messages about little Luke soon after he was born. I had no inkling of a notion of what life in the NICU or parenting a sick preemie meant at that time. I was 3 1/2 months into my easier than ever pregnancy and emergency c-sections were the farthest thought from my mind, but I prayed for Melissa and little Luke and went about planning little Mercy's mermaid nursery...

Luke fought so hard, but this was not his home.  The Lord took him to his forever home on November 11th.

Since then, Melissa has had the task of figuring out how to grieve the loss of her son..

.

On January 18th, when Chris and I received the surprise of our lives and Mercy was brought into this world ten weeks early, I was scared. I wasn't comforted by my doctor who told Chris, "

It 

might not make it through the night." (That's right, my brand new baby girl was diminished to the status of "it.") I wasn't comforted by my hospital bed, where I laid sick for 30 hours before getting to visit my sick daughter. I wasn't comforted by ventilators or PDA's or the then strangers taking care of us both who didn't seem to have any answers in those first hours and days. I was scared. I've never been that scared.

That second day I received a gift from three people I had never met. Flowers. And on the card were three names: Melissa, Scott and Mollie.

Melissa. A momma who had been in this same hospital bed... who knew the fear I was experiencing... who cried the tears I cried... and who was dealing with loss in the most gracious and compassionate way, by stepping into shoes she had been in and sharing her love and prayers with a stranger who needed them.

I was comforted...

Last weekend Mercy and I got to meet Melissa.

What a blessing she is!

...and what a blessing she gave us. She and Mollie (the third name on the card and another one of Corrie's friend's who loved us through our NICU journey) walked in with a gift bag and in it was an Ariel shirt (love! thank you Mollie!) and a little box. I pulled a tiny hat out of the box and Melissa told me that it had been Luke's.

Oh, I cried... what a sweet gift from somebody who could be jealous and bitter towards situations that turned out differently, but instead is compassionate, loving, generous, brave and amazing.

Here's a photo of Melissa and Mercy in Luke's precious hat.

I admire this woman for so many reasons. At the top of the list is how she has so beautifully dealt with her loss. She is living Luke's legacy through reaching out and loving those of us who don't know how to take the next scary step forward in our own situations. Thank you, Melissa, for showing me how to live beautifully in the midst of grief and sadness. I believe I will grieve differently, more graciously, in the future.

You know, sometimes I'm jealous of mom's who got to experience their third trimester, even though I've been told it's the hardest... then I think about brave momma's like Melissa who 

should be

 jealous of mom's like me who got to bring our babies home with us, 

but aren't

... and I realize how much I have left to learn.

Thank you, my God, for placing people in my life to teach me hard lessons. Thank you for baby Luke, who runs and plays and worships You today. Bring that sweet momma and daddy peace as they continue to figure out life without their precious baby boy...

Friends, please pray with us for the Malones. They have suffered the greatest loss of all... 

and loss is SO so hard.

A Hard Conversation...

I have a history of building relationships with inanimate objects.

Bizarre, yes...

But at the same time, isn't it nice when you can just say whatever you want to something for however long you want without worrying what it might think of you or say back to you? I had a pretend 'imaginary friend' in (gasp!) middle school (in Georgia, middle school is 6th-8th grade, so that means TOO OLD for an imaginary friend!) who's name was George. He had blonde hair and a blue sideways baseball cap (I drew him on almost everything... oh, and I also made him into a clay pot in high school [the handles were his ears!]) I know I'm making myself seem weirder and weirder here, but it was really very hard for me to talk to actual people in my incredibly awkward and shy younger years. So I talked to things...

...and I can honestly tell you that I still do sometimes, although not to George and not usually in seriousness anymore, so that's a step in the right direction! But I'll tell you something I'd like to have serious conversation with... and I'll tell you what I'd say:

"Hi there!

It's been about three hours since we last spent time together, and I'll be honest, I was hoping I'd never see you again...

You and I, we've had somewhat of a tumultuous relationship over the last 4 months... But there's one thing I want you to know: I value you. You are the sole reason my child has received the very best nutrition every day of her life, and that is irreplaceable.

No matter how much I look forward to the day I can bid you a happy 'farewell,' know this: you have made my daughter's life healthier and I appreciate you. I absolutely dread the six to eight times a day that I have to spend with you, but I cherish what comes out of the time we spend together. It's been painful, agonizing, miserable... and yet, at the same time it's been fruitful, productive and helpful. I know you hear me whine and complain about you between our times together, and I know you hear me talk about how badly I don't want to see you again. I want you to know that I mean every word, but that I'm sorry for feeling that way.

You truly mean more to me than I can express, in ways that I wouldn't even know how to express... I look at you with contempt and gratitude at the same time and although I daily consider and sometimes try to talk myself out of being in this conflicting relationship with you, you need to know that I will not give up, I will see this relationship through until it is either no longer possible or no longer necessary to continue.

I promise I will try to see you differently, to appreciate you better, and to stop wishing bad things upon you, I really do value you.

I know you are a gift from God, given to me as a means to best nourish my daughter as she gains the strength she needs to do the work herself. We could not do this without you, thank you for being part of our lives. I promise to try to thank my God, who provided me with you, so that you could help me provide Mercy with milk.

Please forgive me for selfishly wishing you out of my life. I know I will continue to take you for granted and utter hateful words against you, I know I will continue to dread our time together. Forgive me as I seek to learn the art of gratitude and of perseverance... I know that God has this race marked out for you and I, and I know there is much to learn along the way. I promise to run...

Oh, one last thought: If you were animate and had a neck, I would hug it in gratitude right now... I would also consider squeezing too tight in utter hatred before letting go.... ugh, ok, let me start over.............."

I'm talking to my Medela Freestyle Breast Pump... and that was truly therapeutic for me! Perhaps I should seriously start talking more often to inanimate objects in my life again... (joking!)

But in all seriousness, my relationship with my pump has been every bit of what I described in my conversation with it... I so look forward to the day when I can put it away, and take care of Mercy without it's help. Sometimes that day seems too far out of reach and I wonder if it will ever arrive... Often I consider giving up, or feel like I'm wasting my time if this whole exclusive nursing thing isn't going to work out anyways... maybe it's not worth it...

What I believe the Lord is teaching me through this tumultuous relationship is this: The work He's asked us to do as His children isn't always easy or fun, and the immediate payoff isn't always what we hope for, sometimes it takes many years to see fruit, and sometimes we may not see the fruit at all... I've found myself wondering often, is this goal too lofty, too out of reach? Am I wasting my time when I'm not seeing the lives of those I've ministered to changing? Is it worth the pain I've felt when I've failed and fallen time and time again? Sometimes we may want to have a similar "pump" conversation with the journey we're on with Christ, I know I have felt many of those things in my own walk!

But one thing you need to know about the journey you're on: it is worth it, it is the absolute best possible way we could spend our time, and God is always good. The very fact that we are on this journey with Him is a testament to His mercy on our lives and He has a beautiful purpose for YOU. Value His guidance as He leads you through rough waters, appreciate Him for giving you the grace you need for the journey, do. not. give. up. It's going to be worth it! 

He has given each of us a race to run, let's choose today to run it with renewed perseverance!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..."

Hebrews 12:1-3

I know y'all come here to hear about Mercy, not my ramblings to inanimate objects! She is an absolute blessing! We are getting out and about much more these days, and having play dates with old NICU neighbors and church friends. It's been so nice getting out of the house and seeing the faces of friends we love and have missed! She is growing so fast. She's all smiles all the time, she LOVES her daddy, and most people say she looks just like him! Her heart monitor has not gone off in over four weeks! That is a very huge deal, every new day without an alarm is another win! It looks like we could be unattached and cord-free sooner than we expected to be! We just can't believe we're getting so close to 4 months old, the time since we came home on March 7th has literally flown, and it has been incredible! The opportunity to come out of isolation has been a welcome change, being with our church the past two Sundays was truly awesome, seeing little RuthAnne, Mercy's first NICU neighbor, was absolutely amazing, we had "play dates" everyday last week and it has been FUN introducing her to so many new friends and 'family!' Hopefully we will get to introduce her to YOU very soon!

We love you all so very much, thank you for your continued prayers!