Foster Moms

Foster moms,

Two years ago I didn't know anything about you, what you were capable of, your level of perseverance, or the wide range of emotions your heart fought every day.
Two years ago I looked at you with admiration and anticipation...

Because two years ago I sat and I waited... and waited and waited and waited on the arrival of our first long-term foster placement.

Today that baby boy I was waiting to meet is much more than a long-term foster placement. He is my son. We experienced so much in the year and a half between the day we met him and the day he became our own. We cried, we loved, we grew in incredible ways as we were shown our sin, our lack of trust and the filthiness of the very core of our hearts. I can say without a doubt that foster care was used mightily in my life.. and used in so many ways beyond the gaining of my son. I would not have traded the hysterical crying or the fear that hovered in the background of everything we did. Not one minute of it. Because I knew that all of the hardships were worth it to the child who had been entrusted to our care, no matter how long his stay... and all of the fear involved in that very unknown is what God used most to teach me about His closeness. Closeness to a God who, because of my sin, I deserve to be so far separated from... as far as the east is from the west. But instead He drew me close to Him in those moments of deep sin, fear, and hatefulness. Instead He removed my sin from me... as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:10-12). He called us to and guided us through foster care, keeping us close by Him every step. Our fostering journey wasn't easy, it was anything but ordinary... it was painful, it was beautiful, it was just as it was meant to be.

And on June 1, 2016 our journey ended, and that precious eighteen month old boy became my son.

What a blessing my walk through the trenches brought me, as the King led me step by step to my sweet son. Jaiden has made me a more compassionate, loving, patient, flexible and certainly more active and attentive mommy. I just can't picture our family without him in it. He is an Ellzey, through and through. He loves his sister like crazy, he is a daddy's boy, no doubt, but when the thunder is just loud enough, he climbs right up in my lap and hugs my neck so tight and sweet. Yes... life has become comfortable in our neck of the woods. Today, my life looks crazy, active, fun, overflowing with hugs and kisses and love... and very, very comfortable.

Foster moms,
Today as I sit in my comfort, I am gazing in awe at your strength, your trust, your perseverance and resolve as you walk a path of unknowns. I've walked in your shoes, and I know your lives look very different than mine does right now. And if I'm honest, when I see the faith you are walking in, some days I miss those shoes that felt very ill-fitting most of the time. I miss them because of the way they made me reach for my Father's hand every minute of every day. I miss them because they consistently reminded me of my utter need for a Savior. I miss them because they taught me compassion for a group of broken and hurting parents toward whom I had never felt any emotion past anger. I miss them because they showed me my shortcomings as a mother and as a child of God and in turn brought me so very close to Him.

And I miss them because they were made purposefully by Him, specifically for me... and while they often felt ill-fitting, they were the perfect fit. He bent down into my mess, He placed them on my feet, held out His hand, and He told me to walk.

Into the unknown. Into the trenches.

Foster moms,
You are in the trenches, in the muck and the mire, in the sadness and devastation that sin has brought into this world.

Foster moms,
You are on the royal highway, walking hand in hand with the King, hearing His very voice, feeling His firm grip pull you through those trenches that He created your feet to walk through. He created YOU, foster mom, with that child or those children in mind. He set these moments in motion and placed you together for the specific span of time that only He knows... and your trust in His sovereignty to give you love and compassion and peace and grace and mercy... that will stick with the families and children He has placed in your care much longer than you could possibly know.

Don't take these days for granted. Don't let yourself forget the most joyful moments or even the most painful ones, don't let one minute slip from your memory. Hold onto the closeness He has drawn you into and don't let it go when your journey ends. Because when things get comfortable, it's easy to forget how much we need to be close to Him every day. Even on the easy days.

And can we be honest? Even our easiest, most comfortable days often look pretty ugly. And the worst place to be is in our own trenches we dug for ourselves, without the King's hand guiding us and pulling us through them.

Foster moms,
Two years ago I didn't know anything about you, what you were capable of, your level of perseverance, or the wide range of emotions your heart fought every day.
I know now...
...and today I look at you with far more admiration than I did two years ago.

Thank you for the role you are playing in my life as I watch the Lord work through you for the sake of His children. Thank you for being vulnerable, for loving children and their families the very same way Christ has loved you and for revealing Him to each person you share your journey with.

Thank you for reminding me of His closeness, today and every day.

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
Psalm 139:9&10

---

To his first mommy, on his second birthday

I'm still figuring these birthdays out...

...on his sister's birthday I am overwhelmed with memories and emotions of the day and the miracles that brought her to us ten weeks early. But today, his birthday, feels a little different. I wasn't there. In fact, I didn't know he was being born or existed in this world for another six days. I was clueless... It was a Sunday, and I was in Georgia sharing this adorable photo and celebrating my sister's birthday with my family. 

The day before I was relishing in a Clemson win over South Carolina...

...and the day after I was posting embarrassing photos of Corrie on Facebook for the WORLD to see. (I'll spare you.)

Somebody else did know he existed though. Somebody I have grown to love and admire very much... his first mommy. She was there for every second of his arrival, loving him and looking forward to their future together. I can't reminisce with him today, but I know she is reminiscing, I know that can't be easy, and I just haven't figured all of this out. How do I celebrate this momentous and beautiful day, my son's second birthday, when I know that this woman, the woman who brought him into this world and who gave him to me... how do I celebrate when she is grieving? 

In the days and weeks after we received the call and agreed to take long term placement of Jaiden, I found such comfort in the words his social worker continually shared. How they visited him daily, sang to him, rocked him, loved him deeply. Some days I felt jealous, some days I still feel jealous because I love remembering how precious those moments were in the NICU with Mercy, but most days I'm so grateful that those moments were reserved for her. They impacted him, they will always be part of him. He will always have those moments of love and preciousness stored in his heart.

And if I have learned anything from being a preemie mama... those first days and weeks have an impact on the rest of our children's lives, growth, and development. I have to believe that those moments in the NICU in his first mommy's arms are part of the reason this child is so loving, affectionate, compassionate... she gave him all of these things in abundance in the weeks before I knew him. 

Birthday breakfast in bed this morning looked like pure joy to my son. As we sat with him laughing and chowing down on cinnamon rolls, my mind wondered to his first mommy. Labor, delivery, hopes, dreams... there have been tears mixed in with the joy all day and as this day comes to a close, I believe I'm finally learning to balance these emotions. I am SO grateful that my son's story is different from many of the tragic stories of children who come from hard places, and that the time he spent in his first mommy's arms were filled with love and affection. I'm so grateful to his first mommy for making those days what they were, for bringing him into the world and contributing in a huge way to the kind and loving boy he is growing to become. I hope she knows... I hope YOU know, mama.

You grew him, labored and delivered him, he has your genes and your face, he was your son before he was my son... please know that is a truth that's not lost on me. Your daily and constant snuggles, kisses and incredible love in those sixteen days before I met him were and are building blocks that will enable this boy to become the man I know we will both be incredibly proud to call our son. 

And I want you to know that I'm proud to call you his first mommy. Proud of the way you have come through these last two years, of the grace and love you have poured over our family, of your trust even in the face of adversity, weakness and pain beyond anything any of us can understand.

We've celebrated big, we've laughed and loved all day, and it has been a great birthday! But right in the midst of this awesome celebration, I've cried. I've cried a lot. I've been confused about why this precious boy's birthday has been so hard for me. I know that your heart is grieving, I know you're probably confused too. Thank you for inviting me into your life and your heart, thank you for loving us, trusting us. There will never be a day or even a moment lacking in gratitude for the blessing of you.

"Little Fox paused. 'How come I couldn't stay with the mother who had me?'
'She must have had very big reasons to give you up.

She must have thought it was best for you.'

'Did she have fur like mine? Eyes like mine?'

'Most likely,' Mama smiled softly. 'She must have been as beautiful as you are handsome.

I think she prayed like crazy that you would be safe, Little Fox.

I think she prayed for me as much as I prayed for her.'"

God Found Us You

Lisa Tawn Bergren

One time I was pregnant...

Several years ago I was pregnant for about six months. A nurse told me at a hospital visit that my pregnancy was life threatening. If I continued to carry my baby, I would die. Both of us would. In two. Days. Flat.

I guess I had two options at that point:

Let them reach inside of me, flip that 2 pound baby over, deliver her breech, tear her apart limb by limb while her head was still inside of my body, putting my life in grave danger and obviously ending her's. That is how I'm seeing late-term partial birth abortion described. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

The other option was to do a c-section right then and there, saving us both. From this point there would be two more options: I could keep her and raise her, or if I wasn't prepared for that, I would have had the privilege to offer her tiny life to another mom who was prepared. I'm sure either I or the social worker who works for the hospital (I know her, she's awesome) could have called a number of social workers and organizations and she would have been given an adoptive placement within hours if needed.

Of course we did the c-section. No other option was even presented because it would have been absurd to consider doing away with one life and putting another in danger when there was a safe option that would save both lives, despite the temporary inconvenience of a c-section.

And since my doctor knew I wanted to keep her, of course he didn't bring up that option.

And in the air of honesty, this procedure is not legal in Louisiana today, not sure what the laws were four years ago.

So I just voted, and I thought I would walk away feeling proud of my vote and confident because I voted for Evan McMullin... and I did so, totally proud, totally confident. But I was surprised that I still felt like throwing up a little and tears still welled up in my eyes as we drove away.

There was a long line, and I know what may be happening in there. Lives, like my child's, will be tossed because people have been lied to about what has to happen when a viable child's mother's life is at risk.

Please please please vote for life. Lives matter. Period. Please vote for whoever values keeping people alive. Even tiny people like this one:

Ladies... our country's children even matter more than what some rich jerk said about women years and years ago. Even if he still says that stuff today (because let's be honest, he probably does), and even if that offends you and makes you feel mad and sick and gross, as it should, people getting to be alive and stay alive still matters more

.

Water

Twelve and fourteen... that's how many years it took these two beautiful kiddos to gain more life experience, faith and wisdom than this mama has gained in thirty three years. Five days... that's how long it took them to turn my life and my heart upside down.
No, not upside down... right side up!

One month ago they sat, waited and wondered... half an hour from their home as water seeped through the doors and windows and filled it's halls and rooms, taking most of their material belongings, drowning their homework, clothes, furniture, memories...

"It's a total loss..."
Those are the words their grandfather used as he described their personal experience of the devastating floods that took 90% of the homes in Denham Springs, LA the weekend of August 13.

Ninety. Percent.

My son's biological family lives in Denham Springs.

These two beautiful kiddos are his brother and sister.

All of their belongings sat under feet of water for days. They were essentially homeless, sleeping on air mattresses at their aunt's house.

Water changed their lives in those few days, as they very literally lost just about everything but each other... and I didn't realize it at the time, but in the days and weeks that followed, that same water would change mine too.

We invited them to spend some time with us a week or so after the flood took their home. They had a safe place to stay with family and didn't need to come, but they excitedly joined us for five days that I could never have known how badly I needed.

He knew though... He knew I needed to see Him actively moving, and that two beautiful children and a whole lot of water would be His agents of change in this mama's heart that has been in an ugly crisis for a couple of months...

He knew I needed conviction.

And when two kids who have lost everything, teach you how to truly have everything, conviction is the byproduct... and change happens.

We pulled into the driveway after picking Mercy up from school in a downpour. Our ditch was full and water was slowly making it's way over the road.
"Wow," I said, "I cannot believe it has rained enough to fill our ditch already!"
Looking out the window, the fourteen year old responded, "It's amazing how fast the water can rise..."

I think that was the moment that knocked me over. These weren't just going to be a few days of sibling fun and games. This was real. These people who I love deeply were in crisis and I couldn't allow myself to forget that. The Lord made sure I wouldn't lose track of that detail or fail to grow through these days we shared with these two kiddos.

I wouldn't lose track of the depth of this crisis when I questioned the fourteen year old about the condition of his clothes, after sitting under water for days; stained, ruined, all of them. And no way would I fail to grow when he swore up and down they didn't need anything new. He said they had all their clothes, they would be fine. He didn't take those muddied and stained clothes for granted for one second. His gratitude for what they were able to save was a gift to me... a gift that showed me I have been living so very wrong.

...and I sure wouldn't forget what these kids had experienced when the twelve year old stood with me and a group of strangers, describing the details of the flooding, and all that was lost in their home while her sweet grandmother was sick in the hospital, all only about two months after losing her great grandfather very suddenly. These were such crushing conversations to hear, but this precious girl made sure I wouldn't let them pass by without extravagant growth, as she shared these words with a smile on her face, very seriously reminding us as we all had tears in our eyes, "God's got this." Not a minute of hesitation in the provision of her God. She trusted Him completely, and that was an incredible gift to have the opportunity to witness.

Not only was that incredible trust in His provision a gift, but the actual experience of seeing Him provide for this family and these two kiddos was absolutely life changing. Watching friends, acquaintances and complete strangers come together to get these kids and their grandparents new clothes, new furniture, loads of food, school supplies, shoes, beautiful new Bibles.... and the timing of all these people and pieces coming together cannot be explained as mere coincidence. What an incredibly loving God we serve, who meets each of us in our own unique crises and gives us just what we need at just the right time.

...and in this heart crisis I've been stuck in, He knew those days with those kids were just what I needed at just the right time. Their hearts did an important work on my heart, one that I know will stick around for a long time... and when my heart starts to slip from these lessons, I'm so grateful that these sweet ones will only be one short hour away, ready to head our direction and remind me of the loss they experienced due to water, but the great gain our God gives us through this cleansing water, His Holy Spirit.

"For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you..." (Ezekiel 36:24-27a)

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (John 4:10-15)

Photo cred to J-man's sweet birth mama <3

And you know for those few days my son cried every time I picked him up, because if one of these two big kids was in the room, he wanted them... not me... and the smile that put on my face was BIG. That's when I knew I would never forget that these precious ones aren't just Jaiden's family. They are my family, my heart and soul, and I love them to pieces.

To the baby boy who became my son today...

You may be wondering why we've squeezed you a little bit tighter and a little bit longer today, why you've had so many kisses from so many friends and family, why there have been so many hugs and so. many. tears. Why all the fuss over you on this day, June 1, 2016?

I know all of this may not make much sense to you right now... and to be honest, not a whole lot actually changed today. You've woken up in our home most of the last 533 mornings... You've called me mama for months, you've hugged and kissed me too many thousands of times to count and you've clung to my neck so tightly anytime you've thought I might walk away. I've fed you, changed your diapers, wiped your tears... I've rocked you to sleep, sung to you, tickled you, peek-a-booed and patti-caked more times than I could count. You have been my son in every way... but by name.

Tomorrow will look much like yesterday looked, and next week will be very similar to last week. In our day-to-day it may seem to you like nothing has changed and for the most part we'll keep living how we've lived every day of the last year and a half...

...that's for the most part, but for the other part, we will live wildly different.

...because in reality, everything changed today.

This morning you woke up an orphan and tonight you laid your head down and closed your eyes a son. My son! My. Son.

"From here on out it will be as though Jaiden was born to you. He will be entitled to inheritance rights and the benefits of being your natural child. Do you understand that after this hearing, Jaiden Justice Ellzey will permanently be your son?"  

Time stopped for a brief moment as the gravity of those words settled on my heart today... did you know that while you, your sister, your daddy and I sat in that small room with our family and friends early this morning, everything very literally changed?

Everything.

In those quick words spoken by a lawyer in a judge's chambers you received a new status, a new family, a new name, and a new future. You were declared an orphan no more, but a son. One minute you had no legal parents and the next minute you gained two when you became our child, the son of Chris and Anna Kathryn Ellzey. You will be given a new birth certificate showing your daddy and I as your natural parents. Nothing can ever change this. Nothing! You will always be our son and we will always be your parents from now until forever. You will receive all the same rights and benefits as your sister will receive and we will receive all of the many blessings and benefits of simply calling you our son, of spending our lives raising you, teaching you and loving you. What a gift we have been given, to be so blessed that we would be chosen to be your mommy and daddy.. today, tomorrow, and forever!

Your birth mama gave you the most perfect name, a name that means 'God has heard'. I believe God gave her that name for you as a promise that He has heard her prayers and our prayers for you, and that He would provide for you and protect you in all circumstances. We could never change your name or the beautiful promise that it represents to us. It's a sweet gift from your birth mama, a piece of your story, it carries so much weight and it is just so perfectly YOU. But today you were given a new name, one that officially makes you the youngest Ellzey, the first Ellzey son, and a true little brother to your sister who has declared with such joy all week "and my bwuvvah's name will be ELLZEY at his 'doption!"

You were also given an additional name... we have stood before judges with our foster son, we have heard judgements and wondered what our future would look like, and we have prayed that you would receive justice. Today, we stood before a judge with you and you were given a right judgement, you received justice as he declared you to be our son. And in that moment you received a new middle name, Justice, a name that reminds us that despite the first eighteen months of your life and all of the courtrooms and judges, you have a greater Judge, a righteous Judge who offers true justice and adoption into His family through His son, Jesus Christ. Did you know that, just like you, because of our adoption in Him we have received a new status, a new name, a new family, and a new future? ...and in Him we are declared orphans no more, but children of God (1 John 3:1)! He has passed the judgement we deserve onto His Son and made us just in His sight! He is our Father and we are His children, nothing can ever change this... Nothing. He is a perfect and loving Father who loves you deeply, who placed you in our family and who holds your heart and your future. Your name is a gift to us, a reminder of the gift of adoption we have received from our Father and a promise over your future and life as an Ellzey. God has heard, sweet son, and He. Is. Just.

Son, today, we have celebrated you, and we have celebrated big.

We have waited and longed for today. We have prayed over today for many months. It is certainly a day we will never forget...

...and when we wake up tomorrow, life may look a lot like it did when we woke up yesterday, but this day, June 1, 2016 will leave a permanent mark in the deepest parts of my heart... as the day that nothing changed but everything changed. The day I kissed your cheek and called myself your mommy for the very. first. time.

...and the day I cried myself to sleep thanking God for blessing us and entrusting us with the sweetest boy that has ever lived, who we get to call our son.

Oh, my heart is full tonight.

Love you forever, sweet son!

Love,

  your mommy

**So many thanks to Melissa Breedlove Photography for these beautiful photos from our adoption day.**