The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holdin out His hand
But the waves are callin out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on tellin me
Time and time again, "Boy, You'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Last year at WVR, one of my sweet girls who I love dearly said to me, "Listen to the lyrics of this song, it's amazing" and she played The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns.... I was like "Yeah, that's great..." This is a girl who I watched grow and who I grew with all year, and those words rung so true to her time at the ranch, and how God was working in her life as she listened to the truth that God always revealed to her... At 13 years old, she was able to hear that song in a way that I didn't hear it until recently... Now I'm convinced they wrote it about me, except I'm a girl...
I'm reminded of the time I went to the Bahamas with Young Life... We were on this 52 foot sailboat for 7 days and nights, just floating around the caribbean... It was great, amazing, really.... until we drifted upon a tropical depression... not quite a hurricane, but that's what we liked to call it, Hurricane Cristobal.... anyways, one gusty night, after everyone was asleep except for me, my cousin (Emily), Hollis (then Matthew), the deckhand (Ryan) and Tall One (Zach Belcher), the wind and rain grew so strong that we weren't sure we would make it through the night... all we knew was that we had to save that boat, and it's crew, from certain destruction! the five of us, in the pitch black of that stormy night, through the wind and the rain, put the tarp up over the deck of the boat and saved it's life and our lives forever! Now, maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but I remember looking over the side of that rocking boat, and thinking "If one of us fell over, we would be gone in an instant in those waves!" It really was terrifying, but the Lord kept us safe, and both the boat and it's crew made it through the night!
Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it would have taken to step out of that boat towards Jesus' open arms if He had been standing out there in those waves that night... Now, I'm not gonna lie... I've been struggling, and I'm pretty certain that if I were put in that scenario today, I would hold onto those sails for dear life!
Those thoughts and feelings are so unlike me, really the opposite of who I am, how I live my life, and how I feel 99% of the time.... I am so typically an extremely positive and excited person.... That's why the people at the Honda dealership enjoy me so much, they're just not used to seeing somebody who smiles ALL THE TIME, especially selling cars all day... that seems crazy to them, but that's me, and I like that about myself... God's given me so much, why waste my time not rejoicing in Him always? So when I start feeling down and discouraged, and can't seem to pull myself up, it's really torturous to me! But that's where I've been the last few weeks... I've been hearing these things that are so far from true, and I know they're lies, I know I'm at the ranch because God has me there, and there's some reason, He will use me, and I can do ALL things through Him... but I've started to forget the truth and believe the lies, and I'm allowing satan this grip of fear and discouragement over me... Even at the very point that I thought I had control and was convinced of the truth, they started coming at me faster and harder, and I've wondered if they're lies at all, maybe they're true, maybe I should leave this place... wow, I don't recall a time in my life that I've felt so discouraged and confused about what the Lord's will for me is! Even through the ups and downs during my time at WVR last year, I knew the Lord had me there, and I knew I was in His will... Here's a quote from an e-mail I sent that December during those hard times: "Proverbs says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." so that's what i'll do....... i'm gonna walk blindly with Him, and trust Him..... He's given me such strength the last two weeks... more strength than i thought was possible for this weak body to ever encompass....but He makes me walk on water in raging storms.... all i have to do is keep my eyes focused on Him and not on the storms surrounding me.... pray that i have continued strength to do this..." Where is that faith and that trust today? I don't know... but that's life, we struggle and we overcome.... We overcame those storms together and we'll overcome this one too... so that's where we're at, me and Jesus.... this "overcome" stage...
...but the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid"
The Voice of Truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices callin out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"
WOW! That is huge to me!