Dear Doctor Who Loved Me Well

You must have thought I was an emotional nutcase...

I can't even put a number on the amount of times you were doing your rounds and ended up by my baby girl's isolette comforting this weeping mama.

I remember one time very specifically...

Mercy was having a super day, cruising along, growing, eating, breathing, everything we could hope for.

...and you found me there weeping.

I'm not just talking about wispy eyed, two or three tears either... this was an all out crazy lady SOB FEST!

You put your hand on my back and asked me why I was crying.

"I don't know..." I could hardly even get those three simple words out through the sobbing craziness going on.

To be completely honest, I was an emotional mess for a couple of months after Mercy came, I believe I was dealing with some postpartum depression, and often when there was nothing to do other than celebrate huge victories, I would look at my child in that incubator and cry because I still had to go home to an empty nursery... and that made me so sad.

I was real good at celebrating and I was real good at crying. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I could be so filled with joy and so so sad at the exact same time.

You got it and no matter how many babies you still needed to see you always took the time to put a compassionate hand on my back and talk me through it. I don't know if you are remotely aware of how much those talks meant to me or what they did for my confused heartache...

...but all those times you found me crying at my sweet girl's bedside, all those times you counseled me, not only on her health but on the importance of my role in her life in those moments, all the compassion you had for me... you painted a picture for me...

...a picture of Someone who met me in my weakest moment, who had compassion on this sinner, compassion that carried Him down a path that would enable me have the capacity to feel joy even in sadness and in fear.

You reminded me of the JOY Christ experienced during His horrendous death on the cross and what that means for me, for my daughter!

Those babies and mama's hearts that you touch are so blessed, and we are so blessed to have been two of them!

Thank you!
  Mercy's Mama

**this post is part of a seven week series of 'letters' to people, events and things that were part of the life transforming work God did in our lives during Mercy's stay in the NICU - for more on our growth in the NICU, check out our CaringBridge page**