"my feet don't dance, but my heart does!"

"Whether you turn to the left or to the right,

your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,

"This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:21

I was asked recently how I've grown since this time last year... it's impossible for me to look back on this past year without tearing up right now... it's really hard to put myself back in those flip-flops, and think about my fears at that point and everything that has happened since then... This time last year I was terrified of coming here all by myself.... I was doubtful that I had what it takes to work with troubled youth... I was worried that I would burn all my meals, and lose every game at rec for my team... I was ready to call up Mr. Richard and say "why did you give me this job? couldn't you have hired somebody more fit for this kind of work? are you crazy? please... fire me... i know i don't start for a few weeks, but you should go ahead and fire me... really, you'll be doing the ranch a great favor..."

What if I had done that... what if i had never known Arissa... what if I had never flattened my tire that night, or had to say goodbye to the girls when they moved houses... what if I had never known James and Lindy or had to say goodbye to them, and live in this big house with no family.... what if i had never spent all those nights crying so hard i could barely see or breathe or had to say goodbye to emily, abby and margaret all as incredible roommates...what if I had never known what these kids have faced in their lives... what if i had never known this whole place, and never had to say goodbye to this family i have here and all of this that i love so much.... man, I could have saved myself a lot of tears!!

A wise man once said, "I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go........ I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance..." I would not be the person I am today if I didn't have those experiences! Praise God that He brought me here and didn't spare me from all of those things, etc, because He knew that I needed all of that to happen in order to make me more like Him, and to teach me to trust Him COMPLETELY! Not only have I grown through the hard times, but, man, God has poured out blessings on me since last August... A LOT has happened this year! A lot... If I could have foreseen what all would happen, and had opted out, I never would have met these incredible servants of the Lord who will all be part of my life forever... I would have missed out on soooo many fun times, and so much growth! I came here last August hoping and praying that I could make a difference in these kids lives... but I think the flip flop happened, because they have made such a difference in mine, and I am eternally grateful to my God and to each of them! There have been a lot of hard times and a lot of really great times that I will never forget. I thank God so much for everything he has done here this year, everything from taking Arissa away from this frightening world to be with Him, to hanging out in the kitchen cooking 75 eggs.... He continually moves in this place, and I know that what He's taught me here will continue to impact me forever.

I was not emotionally prepared to come here this time last year, and it took a lot of prayer to prepare me.... now, I'm not emotionally prepared to leave here... there has been no other time in my life that has been as fulfilling in any way than my time here, and I will miss every person, every child, and every moment dearly. But the Lord let me know this morning that it's time for me to go, and tomorrow, while i'm driving home, I ask y'all to pray hard for me... I'm a little overwhelmed right now.... there have been a lot of tears, but I know that the Lord has great plans for me and I will follow Him and trust Him fully....

Friday morning I start a new job at Eagle Ranch as a parapro in the science/history classroom at the school there... I am very excited and anxious to start this new journey... and I'm grief stricken and heart broken to leave this past year's journey... but I know I'll be back here and I know that God will provide the comfort that I need...

I can't begin to express my thanks to y'all for hanging around and reading these rediculously long and random novels, and most of all for your constant prayers. Each of you means so much to me. I can't promise that these e-mails will continue after this one.... but if I can find my way to a computer every now and then, I'll let you guys know what is up.... thanks for stickin by me through all of this and for your encouraging words and all of your prayers! I love each of you so much!!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you,

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3-4

great moments at my surprise leaving party today:

Harley: "Miss AK, what's your favorite animal?"

Me: "Deer."

Harley: "Aw man, you were supposed to say monkey!"

Me: "Oh.... let's start over..... Monkey!!"

Harley, very excited: "LOOK!!!"

....and he holds up a toy monkey!!!

Kristina: "We should have gotten Miss AK a teddy bear so she could say she saw a bear while she was here..."

.........a few minutes later........ David comes downstairs and gives me his teddy bear!!!!

in Eon's letter to me: "I wish my vocabulary was extensive enough to convey how much you mean to me.......... I think I will keep that cup forever!!!"

Quavi, pointing at the dolls Zachary gave me: "See, this is you, and this is your husband and these are all your children....."

Me: "Quavi, I don't have a husband...."

Quavi: "I know you don't... but you will one day...."

i felt very loved today!!! what a wonderful send off!!!

i think this is the moment many of you have been waiting for... (no, not the end of my e-mail.....) i'm announcing my webpage!!! I'm going to start selling my jewelry, and I made a webpage for it, so here's the link.... psalm421.tripod.com go look around... there are some kinks, but it's pretty exciting... let me know what you think!!

75 eggs... still learning!

"Cast your burdens upon Jesus, He caaaaares for you!

Lowa lowa, lowa lowa lowa lowa, lowa lowa,

stomp satan lowa!!"

ahh, the joy of camp songs..... makes me miss southwind!!

Well, friends... my time here is drawing to a close.... about five weeks left, or very possibly less...

And just to mix it up a little, it's July! Which means Camp Arrowood! The summer camp we have for all of July... for most ranch folk, this month means complete isolation, because there's not much we can do all together with the camp kids all over the place... but for me, this month means GREAT FUN! I am having so much fun! They've put me in the kitchen with our cook, who, for camp, cooks breakfast, lunch and dinner for 60-75 people Monday through Friday! so she needs all the help she can get, and I'm in there with her Monday through Friday... Monday and Tuesday I'm in Christopher House for school time also, so I'm still getting some exposure to ranch life... Camp lasts four weeks (it's half over), and I am just looking so forward to these next two weeks! On the weekends, I find myself strangely missing being in the kitchen... haha, it hasn't driven me to cooking for myself just yet though... but anyways, the camp kids are great, and our kids all are going to camp different weeks too, so i get to see them when they come through the serving line... it is crazy fun! and even crazier, I'm learning all of the cooking techniques of this amazing cook! So in 2 more weeks, I'll know how to cook meals for 60-70 people! but no more, or no less.... haha that's helpful...

anyways, we've got three new kids here at the ranch, and I want to ask y'all to pray for them and their transition into ranch life.... besides that, there's not too too much happening, beside camp, and church camps and mission trips and house vacations, which all are also things you guys could keep in your prayers, as these kids have the opportunity to minister to others and continue to learn more and more about their great Creator through different means...

He does have quite a many different ways to teach us things, doesn't He? Wow! What a rollercoaster ride! Throughout this year, I have shared with y'all much of what He's taught me here... I know it probably has sounded redundant a lot of the times, but every new thing has opened my eyes more to the greatness of God, and of His soveriegnty! And here I am again, with yet another lesson learned. This is gonna be a long one, y'all, maybe the longest one yet... I'm sorry, I hope you have time!!

The past couple of months have been great! they have just been so great! I have felt so close to the Lord, and have just been so happy. But... there's somebody who doesn't like that closeness, and will do almost anything to break it... yes, that's right, satan, the father of lies, started feeding them to me like never before! It was all very unusual, because in the midst of my happiness and peace, and just right in the midst of this great closeness to the Lord, there started to creep in these four lies in the shape of feelings of rejection, discouragement, hopelessness and impatience... they each had their share of wearing on me for a couple of days, but thankfully I serve a great God who, without fail, accepts me, encourages me, gives me hope, and is not only patient with me, but teaches me how to be patient as He works out His plan for my life.

Through differing circumstances recently, my walk has been wide open to hear and accept those four lies, and what I've learned is that God will allow that to happen, and you'll learn through them as you trust in Him. It's hard to refute those things by yourself... it's actually impossible, because the world will continue to reject you, but God will never reject you. You will never stop feeling discouraged by circumstances around you, but God has an amazing and soveriegn plan that includes each one of those circumstances! And the world leaves you little room for hope of better days... things just seem to get sadder, and smoggier, and meaner... but because Christ died for us, we can be filled with hope that God has this great place for us, full of smiles and clean air, families united in Christ for eternity and His unfailing love surrounding us! and lastly, waiting is hard, and we can't wait by ourselves, because we're constantly tempted to jump ahead, but God promises to bless those who wait on Him, and He is so faithful to fulfill His promises! So when we try to tackle these things on our own, we'll hit a dead end every time, but I've learned that when we look to the Lord for guidance, He will never fail to bring us to the truth!

Romans 14:3b

"...for God has accepted him."

This verse talks about the acceptance that the Lord offers to those high in faithfulness and those lacking in faith, but applies for all situations. I know that rejection is something that many people struggle with, and it's hard, but the truth is, none of us are rejected! Because the Lord has an open offer of acceptance for each and every one of us! In fact, He's already accepted us, and it's up to us whether or not we want to join Him eternally in Heaven. The world will reject us over and over again, but this place is temporary, and none of it matters, because we are accepted eternally by our Creator, our SAVIOR, and He will never, NEVER let any of us down as we seek Him.

2 Corinthians 7:4

"I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles, my joy knows no bounds."

Circumstances so often are annoying and seem rediculously pointless. I have let a lot of small circumstances really discourage me recently... But you've gotta remember that the Lord created every circumstance, and will use all of them to better your character and strengthen your walk with Him. I know I've talked before about "all things together" and it's so true.... so we can find such encouragement, through those annoying circumstances that we're like, "that's stupid, why does it even matter?" or "why can't it be this way" because God knows they're not annoying or pointless, but for your betterment. Why? Because He loves us and has accepted us... So, as Paul did, we need to find joy in all these things, because we know that He works "all things together for the good of those who love Him."

Jeremiah 14:22

"Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring down rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is You, oh, Lord our God. Therefore our hope is in You, for You are the One who does all of this."

wow... I continually put my hope in my own strength or in the world around me to bring situations together, or "fix" things in my life, and all of it has left me HOPELESS... because it won't work. The world doesn't make things happen. God makes things happen. He is a great miracle worker, and I know that many of you have seen Him work amazing miracles in your own lives or in the lives of your friends and family. God is our only hope! He promises us great things! He promises us ETERNITY with Him! We have got to put every ounce of our hope in Him alone, cause there isn't any hope other than that... it all falls through because He's not in it!

Psalm 40

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry."

There are numerous, too many to count, instances in the Bible where God said "wait" and His servants waited patiently until He told them exactly what to do and when to do it. And what great blessings He flooded on them every time! Through waiting, and trusting in God alone, they came through each time... However, had they not waited on the Lord to give them His go-ahead and His plan, things would have been, and sometimes were, really bad (see Joshua 9:14, and following verses). The Lord blesses us when we seek His will, and when we don't jump ahead of Him, but we wait for Him to move in us and reveal somehow what He wants us to do. I'm waiting for direction, but that's not the only thing we need to seek Him in. This should be the first thing we consider before any decision, big or small... When we truly are living fully surrendered in the Lord's great and soveriegn plan, then we will know true joy, even in hard times, because we'll know "this is part of the plan... go with it..." As Paul told the Hebrews "do not throw away your confidence (in God)..... you need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised" and later encouraged them to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

So there it is.... I hope the Lord has enlightened you as He has me this summer... I never cease to be amazed by all He teaches me here.... all the way from cooking 75 eggs to major life lessons.... what a great God!

anyways, as always, thanks for your continued prayers... please pray for safety as these kids travel all over the middle section of the country in the next few weeks... we have 5 in St. Louis right now on a mission trip! and pray for the campers in the next 2 weeks also, that the Lord moves in each of them and they go home with a new found love for Him!

I love y'all!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you;

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

-Philippians 1:3

Memorable moments... there are a few more, but we'll spare you the lengthiness......

Preston: "Jordan, can I borrow your helmet?"

Jordan: "Sure"

Peter: "You have a pink helmet??"

Jordan: "Pink is the new black, don't you know?"

Zachary, discussing dumpsters with the Oakrise guys: "I don't know why, but I always thought BFI was some kind of security..."

Me: "Maybe you're thinking of FBI?"

unfailing

"I'm floored by Your majesty,

You're the One that I adore,

You're the One I'm living for,

and I'm falling more in love with You, oh, my Lord.......

I bow and I fall, Lord, at Your feet again, Jesus

I worship, I adore You, You're beautiful to me..."

-Inhabited

this is silly... i don't know why i feel like i need to share with y'all what happened to me tonight, but i do... it won't take long so bear with me please....

i've just been in a panic the last week cause i lost my cell phone... ha! so many of you, after i got that tiny phone, were like "you're gonna lose it..." well... it took a couple years, but you were all right... i lost it... it has been such a hard week! i only know by heart like 4 numbers, and only 3 family members, my dad and his parents... so i've been even more cut off than usual.... i, and my friends here, have all prayed and searched endlessly for this phone... i can picture in my head the last place i saw it, at pleasent hill (the girls house) on the love seat arm rest.... it's been searched thoroughly 3 times... three cars have been searched and my room has been cleaned completely.... everyone who lives at pleasent hill has searched the whole house.... nothing..... i went over there today to do school with some of the girls and they were all like "did you find it yet?" and my response was completely hopeless: "no... it is gone, it disappeared from the face of the planet.... i will never find it, i have no hope..." that is such a sad and ridiculous response.... i should have known i would be eating my words by the end of the night!

what i did was give up.... i completely gave up on trusting God to come through on a situation of miniscule imporatance.... and if i don't trust Him in the unimportant situations, how am i gonna trust HIm in the really important ones? well... here's what He did about it: all the girls at pleasent hill and the interns and i are sitting in the living room for devotions tonight listening to this sermon on tape about trusting the Lord (what a coincidence...)... in the middle of it, i notice some squirming across from me on the love seat, and all of the sudden, shabre goes "i found miss ak's cell phone!!!" and holds it up! no way! we searched that couch! THREE times! so we all were super excited for a minute, then finished the sermon... then i reminded the group of my hopelessness, and the faithfulness of Christ....

here's the moral: don't doubt! don't doubt that God is teaching you something in really hard or just not so easy times, and don't doubt that God is powerful and faithful to His servants and will restore your hope and renew your faith in a God that makes miracles happen in times of despair! when you feel like you're starting to doubt the amazing power of Christ to restore and redeem, ask Him to remind you, because He will, and you'll soon be falling at His feet again, completely floored by His majesty!

hey, thanks for reading this totally random story... it's not like God doesn't teach me multitudes everyday that i could tell y'all, but i just felt like He wanted me to share this one...

i love y'all, keep prayin! we're goin to dollywood's splash country tomorrow to try out some new rides before the park opens... that is very exciting! please pray for us that nobody drowns! and, hey, give me a call and leave me a congratulatory message on getting my phone back and hearing from God! 678-617-3929 haha i may not call you for a week or so, but you'll know you made me smile!! this is so great, i am still in awe, i so thought it was gone........

"praise You, God, of earth and sky,

how beautiful is your UNFAILING love!!"

-Chris Tomlin

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you,

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

-Philippians 1:3-4

...but to save it!

"The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

-2 Peter 3:9

well... firstly... I heard a rumor that some of you did not get my last email... if that is true for you, and you would like to receive it, please reply to this message... You don’t have to say anything but “send me your last e-mail” and you don’t even have to say that... I guess if I get a blank email from you, I’ll know... and I’ll send it to you... is that clear? (Abby!) do you understand? Haha, the subject was ‘He never lets go of my hand...’ I think! And if you don’t even care or you did get it then you can ignore this incredibly long and drawn out paragraph that you’ve just wasted your time reading...

On a different note... Life here at the ranch is so great... We have two new boys, and they are just so sweet! Please keep them both in your daily prayers as they adjust to this new and very different situation! Jordan and Harley... they’re 8 and 9 and both at Oak Rise, giving my friends Ben and Emily (the interns) and Brian and Maralee (the houseparents) a full house of 8 boys between the ages 7 and 15! Please keep them in your daily prayers as well!! So needless to say, I’ve been spending a lot more time there with all those guys... it is just so much fun! I thank God each day for all the different personalities I’m around every day and all that they have brought into my life! It is just so great to be here and see God so at work in and all around me!

In other news, I had a birthday... I'm now the same age forwards as I am backwards... boo... that is just no fun at all, I’m not 12 anymore... just an aging 22 year old... But my day here on the 7^th was so incredible! Probably the best birthday I’ve ever had! It definitely brightened my outlook on growing older (it was grim)... Just gets me thinkin about all the incredible things God did in my 21st year, and I'm so excited to see what all He's got planned for my 22nd! It floors me every time I think about how God has blessed me with these kids and all of these people this year! Furthermore... Lensa and Laura are graduating in like less than two weeks!! They need and would greatly appreciate your prayers! Laura has decided to go to Frontier Ranch (what a coincidence!) this summer as a camper with her home YoungLife group in Chattanooga and is waiting to hear back about a YWAM program out in Wyoming, where she will go in August, I think, if she gets it. Lensa, on the other hand, does not have any definite plans, not for lack of searching and searching on her part, on my part and on her houseparent’s and the counselor’s parts... God definitely has something that will be perfect for her, but she just hasn’t found it yet, so please be in prayer about that... and I’ll take this time to place a personal ad for my friend Lensa... when Lensa leaves here, she’ll have no way to get around... She needs a car... a super cheap one (don't we all, haha)... anyways, I would love to give her mine but there are 2 problems: 1) she needs a dependable car that she can count on running for more than anywhere between 1 week and 1-2 years maybe... and 2) I would have no way to get around... So if any of you is or knows of anyone who is trying to get rid of a car for super cheap, let us know... it would be so greatly appreciated! haha, was that a good ad? could i be in PR? Haha anyways, thanks y’all…. We can move on to the next thing now….

Here’s what I’ve been struggling with lately:

trying to understand “man’s inhumanity to man” (Dr. Flaming!) on a less genocidal level, however…. Perhaps better phrased as “parent’s inhumanity to their children...” I was having trouble getting why God let’s wretched people have kids and do terrible things to them... It was really getting hard for me to see and hear everyday... but I do trust God and am so very thankful that He has taken these children away from their sad, scary situations... These 23 kids are here, and they’re all safe and at a place where they can see daily God’s love for them, and how important it is for them and their families to know Jesus... and because of that, they are all such great witnesses to their families, which is incredible and just so inspiring... but it tears me apart that they had to go through what they did to get here... and there are so many just like them who don’t have a place like this... I pray so often that God saves those children, and keeps them safe... I just don’t understand, but I trust you, Lord...

Here's how God has answered my prayer for understanding:

"This happened so that we might not rely on ourselves,

but on God who raises the dead."

-2 Corinthians 1:9

I guess I just have to keep on believing in a God who raises the dead, makes the blind see, the deaf hear, and the mute speak... He also, as I have witnessed here, heals the emotionally damaged so much more thoroughly and eternally than any psychological methods! I'm a sinner just as much as these kid's parents are sinners and just as much as these kids are sinners, and we all deserve hell equally.... why would I rely on myself, or on the sinful nature of any human to treat these kids with Godly love? It's only through God working in us that we can show these kids His love... and thankfully, He has paid the price of our sins, and His amazing grace has saved me, and so many of these kids, which I praise Him for every day! I am learning now, how to pray for those parents, that they come to know their great Creator as their kids know Him more and more each day. He can save them, and He will, as soon as they open their hearts to Him and His saving grace! Please join me in praying for these kids parents, and for each of their interactions with their parents. It all brings me back to the moment when Arissa's mother hugged me at her funeral, and all I felt was bitterness and resentment in my heart. I wanted to shove her away from me and tell her how terrible she was to her precious daughter... what a terrible attitude to have! it has become so clear to me that in the eyes of God, I'm not any better of a person than she is... How great a God we serve that He chooses to save this creation that continually turns it's back on Him! If I could do it over again, I would embrace that woman, and pray to God, as I do now, that she finds Him, through the great witness that her daughter left behind, and through whatever means necessary, so that she can live in eternal glory with Jesus Christ and her beautiful child when her life on this earth is over...

Jesus said, "As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge Him. For I did not come to judge the world but to save it.... For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it. I know that His command leads to eternal life!" -John 12:47 & 49-50

anyways... the job search....... has hit a hiatus... I thought I’d be makin plans for Colorado right now, but that fell through, so here I am... Just a-waitin... I could stay here another year, and I would really love to, but the one thing that I’m prettysure about is I’m not being called to do that... so I’m gonna follow God and trust Him fully... He’s in complete control of my life anyways, so I’ll just wait for Him to tell me what to do... I know that He is so faithful to His children, and He will take me through hard times and good times, slow times and fast times that mold me and shape me, all to bring me where He wants me, when He wants me there... so I’ll wait... and I’ll listen... and I’ll trust in the Creator of all things...

Anyways, I really haven’t known what to say in this email, but I wanted to get those prayer requests out and let you know where I am in the “job hunt,” so I thought I would just share with you some of what God is teaching me as well...

Y’all, I say it every email, but your prayers for this place and all of these kids are so much appreciated! keep 'em comin!! I love y'all!!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you,

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

-Philippians 1:3-4

ps- i'll be home for a week in the middle of May! that is so great! i will try to see everybody i can fit into 7 days!! and who is in Gainesville or nearby (or in LA!!)

and of course, to add length.... here are some quotes (there are only 3, haha, oh well... times are slow...):

Corcino (our 6'2 12 year old!!!!), telling a story at dinner at Christopher House:

“I’m always awake sometimes when I sleep…”

Mr. Luke's response: "Corcino, you can't use 'always,' 'sometimes,' 'sleep,' and 'awake' all in the same sentence."

hahaha... maybe you had to be there... and know Corcino and Luke... it just doesn't seem quite so funny now...

Michelle: “Do you want to play football tonight?”

Me: “Yeah, let’s go...”

Michelle: “Hahaha I think it’s funny that we say we’re playing football when we both know we’re really just going to play catch...”

Me: “Hahaha... yeah, it’s true... (later on) Elizabeth , are you playin football with us tonight?”

Elizabeth : “Of course! You know I’m a football maniac!”

Justin: "Has anyone ever told you that you're eccentric?"

me: "you better believe it, and I take it as a HUGE compliment!"

i'm eccentric? haha, whatever.....

He never lets go of my hand...

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord,

and he answered by setting me free.

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?"

Psalm 118:5-7

a wise man once told me: "God doesn't say that He'll make only good things happen, and that you'll never experince sad or upsetting things, but He does promise to work all things together for the good of those who love Him. sad things, good things, bad things.... ALL things..."

i wrote an e-mail back near the end of october called "change is a positive thing....." hmmm.... if i had waited like four weeks to write that email it definitely would have said "change is a negative thing.... like, the worst thing imaginable..... i hate it..... however, life without change is a positive thing!!" back in late october, i thought i knew the meaning of change.... you know, a little movement every now and then, cooking a meal once a week or so, having a semi-clean room... i guess those are pretty huge changes, you know, considering... and those were definitely all positive things.... however, change, actual change, like the real thing.... NOT what i was expecting! and let me tell you, it pulled me so far down into a slump like i've never known before, i thought i'd never come out.... i started expecting it, i was like "what next? how can my life change anymore? i don't know... but i'm sure i'll find out in like 2 days..." my trust was dwindling and i dreaded every new day.... i was like "God what's going on? i know you're doin something here, but i'm not that strong, i can't handle all of this...."

Psalm 118:7a, a Psalm of David:

"...the Lord is with me; He is my helper."

i was at this devotion the other night at oakrise, one of the boys houses, and it was about God walking right next to us, and us being like completely oblivious to it... all the guys were talking about different times they realize now that God was right next to them, but at the time they were like "i can't handle all this!" i sat there in awe of the trust and strength in those guys... they've been through so much more than anyone should have to deal with ever, and there they were, giving God all the glory for keeping them safe, and for bringing them here... i was like "wow, i wish i had that kind of faith!" through all the changes... arissa... my house parents and my kids, etc. etc, i knew God was right next to me, helping me through all of that, and i couldn't have handled all of it if he hadn't been... yeah, i definitely knew He was there, but i was like "whatever, this is bad, this can only produce bad things now and forever... God, i trust you to get me through this, but i don't think i trust you to work this situation for any good... at all.... it's just bad, and i hate it..." hmmm.... it's just now sinking in that, wow, His hand really was in all of that, and He really has worked all these things together for the good of those who love Him.

look, i want to share with you a brief list of things that we at the ranch have experienced since november 27... we had a death, one kid choose to leave, two kids told to leave, one set of house parents choose to leave, one set of house parents asked to leave, one house shut down.... i think that's it... i don't know, but i'm pretty sure in the last three months we've seen like most of the staff and student changes that can happen at a place like this, besides a new kid coming.... after every single one of the changes, aside from arissa's relocation, i was angry! i was so mad, i was like "how can this be good?!" and on top of it all, my constant joy was gone... there was nobody there to jump in my arms and say "blu blu!," and make me feel better about anything and everything... i was in such a slump, so weighed down with negativity, i could barely get out of bed in the morning and walk through the day...

but God said "keep walking, anna kathryn, I am with you; I will help you." so i did, reluctantly, and for some reason, He never let go of my hand, and we got through it... i can see so clealy now how in every decision made at the ranch since arissa's death, while sad and upsetting at first, God truly has worked them all together to be beneficial for these kids, and for the staff here, and everybody involved, and i am so thankful for each and every one of those supposedly "hjorrible" situations...

my old laurel ridge girls are doing so well in their new homes! arissa is doing amazing with Jesus... next wednesday, the 23rd, she will have been in Heaven with Him for as long as she was here at the ranch with us! it's pretty hard to believe that she was here for such a short time, especially considering the impact she made on all of us! it seems like we knew her for so much longer than she's been gone... 88 days..... i still see her face everytime i close my eyes, but i have healed so much, and she continues to impact my life everytime i think about her! please pray for us next wednesday... probably nobody will even realize that but me, but please pray anyways for continued healing in all of us! laura and lensa were baptised 2 sundays ago! i cried!!! i've been so upset lately because i'm gonna miss their graduation, but i told them yesterday how much more it means to me that i was at their baptism and got to see them publically declare their faith and their love for Jesus Christ! it was pretty great... camile and elizabeth are doing incredibly well too, and they're so happy! I love walking into the dining hall for devotions and lunch and the first thing i hear is a squeal and all of the suddenly camile is giving me the hugest hug ever, and elizabeth is not-so-subtly motioning me towards whichever male intern she wants me to marry that day... nothing has changed with those two really, just that we don't live together... my relationship with lensa has grown so much since i've been teaching her classes! we have so much fun, whether we're laughing at the baby monkey stuffed animal we use as our stand in "baby" for child development, or at whatever ridiculus story i'm telling by drawing it out extremely detailed (cause i do that like at least 3 times a day)... she means so much to me, and i know, even after she leaves here, we'll have a strong friendship... she and laura both are looking into their options for after graduation, and i want to ask you guys to please pray for them as they both seek God's will for their lives after may 7th... it's gonna be a hard transition for both of them, but they're amazing girls, and i know they're gonna do wonderfully wherever God calls them...

i'm still struggling with several things, personally, but i have learned a lot about change recently, and even more about trusting God through the changes... and before the changes, and after the changes... and trusting Him to change me through all of it! i have grown tremendously since i've been here, and i pray daily that God continues to change me! i get some outside disappoval of "changing" sometimes... not the big things, just some random personality things that people are used to, but i'm better off without... and i've even questioned the "changes" at times because of it... but i praise God every day for molding me into the person He wants me to be, which so far is in some ways the same and in many ways different from the person i was prior to my coming here... there's still a long way to go, but i want to ask you guys to support me and pray for me, and i encourage you to pray for change in yourselves, cause it's so incredible when you realize that you're becoming who God wants you to be, and so beneficial to your life and walk with Him! i also want to ask y'all to pray for me while i'm job hunting for life after wears valley ranch... i can hardly even think about leaving here without getting really sad, but God is calling me elsewhere, so i'm trusting Him to show me where and to get me there sometime after august 16... if that is His will...

i love y'all and am so thankful that God has so blessed my life with each of you! you're all in my prayers everyday!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

Philippians 1:3-4

this is exciting! i made an online picture album with most of my pictures from since i've been here!! so i won't fill up y'all's inboxes with such huge picture files anymore!! so here is the webpage:

http://photos.yahoo.com/annakathryn47

it's not really in complete order yet.... it was just taking entirely too long and i wanted to get this email out... but hopefully you can make some kind of sense out of it!!

and here's the link to the new newsletter if you're interested... i'm in it!!! haha:

http://www.wvr.org/pages/feb_nwsltr.pdf

"I was tellin my friend yesterday that you're really cool... and that's a lot coming from me, cause i don't usually like the interns..."

--lensa

"miss anna kathryn... i'm just so thankful that i have you..."

--lensa

me complaining to margaret in front of elizabeth wood (12):

"i don't think i want to turn 22 in 2 months... 21's been a really great year...."

elizabeth (in a great ukrainian accent): "miss anna kathryn! put your childish ways behind you and act like a woman!"

then she giggles... i was like "wow! she told me!!" haha

ryan, at christopher house devotions tonight: "do you guys believe that, even with all the love and candy and suger and pink and red hearts, some people actually hate valentines day? can you think of some reasons why?"

the guys: "cause they don't got a pretty woman to look at!!" "cause they don't love Jesus!!" "cause they're poor and they don't have a lot of money to buy their girlfriend something!!"

hahaha there were so many answers! those were just a few that stuck out!!

my beta, named after michaelangelo (the turtle), turns two today!!!

happy birthday, mikey!!!

i think we just had the greatest birthday party imaginable!! the king was there... the new couple living here with me and abby baked a cake and put 2 candles on it and surprised me when i got back from christopher house at nine!! it was probably the best day of mikey's life so far, except for the first day he met me, two short years ago!!! (andrew... haha i just said that to you! that was used material...)

people in and around my age, we're accepting applications for summer and/or year round interns for this coming summer and next school year! i would, obviously, highly recommend applying if you're looking for something and/or want to meet some really incredible kids and grow closer to God while He uses you to make a true and visible difference in their lives!!