So now, go!

"So now, go.

I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”

But Moses said to God,

“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

And God said, “I will be with you."

Exodus 3:10-12

I love how in my last email, I mentioned 2011 already looking incredibly blessed... And I love how I mentioned the 'fear of man' being a whole different email... I should have known it wouldn't be long before BOTH of those things would need to be addressed!

So... here goes!!!

About a week after I sent that email about embracing stagefright, I got a call from a friend at church. She wanted me to apply for a job at the Samaritan Center (www.samcen.org.) So I applied.... no expectations.... and I got an interview! So I interviewed.... and they offered me the job the next day! So I turned in my notice at Honda, and two weeks later started my new job. I hate leaving jobs, even when I'm not happy there, but I felt so very much peace about this that I wasn't even a bit emotional!

HOWEVER, I was scared out of my mind and VERY emotional over the fear that I wouldn't be equipped for my new position... Program Coordinator of an incredible ministry! And after three days of training, I'm not gonna lie, I was sooo more scared than I was before any training!  
It was actually a really great time of experiencing God for me, because when the enemy continually tempted me and said, "You can't do it..." in one ear, I continually heard God in the other ear whispering, "He's right, you can't! BUT I CAN! And I will. And I'll use YOU!"

So in the middle of all of this inner turmoil, Chris and I were reading through Exodus. I don't believe in coincidences, and I certainly don't believe that we just so happened to be reading about Moses during all of this. The night after my third day of training, we opened the Bible, and read the passage this e-mail began with. It was like this massively huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I read the words, "I will be with you." And those words have continued to stick with me over the last two months. I know I'm not equipped. Who am I to do this job and serve these people? I'm NOBODY! And God softly whispers, "I will be with you." And He has been!!! And He continues to be!

It has been an incredible couple of months, I have so many new family members who I love dearly! I actually can't figure out how I've managed to exist here for so long without knowing these people!  I have about 30 volunteers throughout the week... They meet with clients who come in seeking help, then they come to me for a decision on how we'll help them... If a client is seeking financial help, I'll meet with the client and go through this whole process with them that takes a week or so...... I have met some of the most beautiful people with the most beautiful faith that has inspired and encouraged me greatly! One of my greatest fears about this position, though, was... How am I supposed to know how to help these people??? How can I provide what they need, physically or spiritually??

In my moment of great distress over this fear, the Lord brought me this story:

That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp.

When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor.

When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. 

Moses said to them, “It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat.

This is what the LORD has commanded:

‘Everyone is to gather as much as they need. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’” 

The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little.

And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much,

and the one who gathered little did not have too little.

Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed. 

Exodus 16:13-18

He continues to remind me of how unequipped I am and how totally equipped HE IS!!! He knows just what these people need, and HE will provide for them! He has taught me so much about Himself and His nature, about how GOOD He is and how much He loves us, and I just can't express what a blessing this opportunity has been!

As we continued to read through Exodus, we came across the following story, and I couldn't help but think of how thankful I am for each of you and your prayers for me over the past many years and into this new journey:

When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it.

Aaron and Hur held his hands up

—one on one side, one on the other—

so that his hands remained steady till sunset.

So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

Exodus 17:12-13

Thank you, thank you, thank you for holding my hands steady with your prayers! Please continue to pray for me and the people I come into contact with in my new job.

I love you all so so very much!! I hope you have had a blessed Resurrection Sunday!! We will be heading out with the youth tonight to our favorite place in the world, CAMP EAGLE!! Please be in prayer that our students will open their hearts and experience God!

His,

  Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you!

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

-Philippians 1:3

Love & Sex Secrets

Let me tell you a little about the girls in our youth ministry.... they are actually amazing, really super cool girls. So cool, in fact, that it's hard for me to understand why they enjoy ME so much! Haha, that's just the grace of God in my life! But really, these are 12-18 year old girls who really get what it means to love God. The way they love the Lord is so sweet and beautiful. They are an absolutely amazing blessing to me, and I love them with all my heart. Each one is a big monster droplet straight from His magnificent sprinkler!!

That said, in our Girl's Group on Tuesday nights, the topics of love and sex often come up. They have such a grasp on the importance of waiting, and why they are called to wait, it blows my mind! I really have quite a wide spectrum of situations in the group with me, from the ones who have never had boyfriends, to the ones who have reclaimed their virginity, and have INCREDIBLE testimonies of redemption that encourage the younger girls.

I couldn't be prouder of these girls, or more in awe of who they are and Who they serve! If I had a magazine that went out to thousands of teenagers in America every month, and I wanted to put an article in there on love and sex, written by teenagers for teenagers, these are definitely the people I would get to write it.......

Unfortunately, I don't... and it's left to magazines like Seventeen and Cosmo to advise the thousands of kids who read them about love and sex.

Wednesday at work I picked up the February issue of Seventeen Magazine, a magazine for teenagers, high schoolers, seventeen year olds! Something on the cover caught my eye, so I immediately flipped to page 94 and started reading:

Love & Sex Secrets

(no one ever tells you)

Everyone is talking about it - yet so much is left unsaid.

When your head and your heart are totally

confused, let these reader confessions guide you.

In the next six pages, I found myself literally horrified at what I was reading. I found lots of advice for teenagers about how to most enjoy the experience and not regret it. I read about a teenager who gave up on trying to wait until marraige and has found that sex is a fun and pleasurable part of her relationship. One girl explained the details of how she and her boyfriend planned and got away with it without their parents finding out. Another girl and her boyfriend broke up after he moved away, but she expresses that they made a mature decision together, and she wouldn't have wanted her first time to be with anyone else. There was one small section on the last page called "Why I'm Waiting." The three reasons mentioned: "I don't want to get pregnant," "I'm waiting until marraige," and "I want to be in love."  The three sentences dedicated to the 17 year old who stated that she is waiting for marraige are the only time this idea is mentioned in the entire article. Only briefly does the article discuss pregnacy or heartache, and not even once does it mention the dangers of sex and STD's.

In the entire article, there was not a single sentence encouraging teenagers to be careful, much less to wait until marriage.

I feel very strongly about this because I'm with teenage girls constantly, and I've seen the ramifications of sex before marraige. I've seen the STD's, pregnancy's, the heartbreak and the walls that the decision builds between the teenager and her Creator. I know this isn't a Christian magazine in any way, but this type of article in a magazine for children should not be tolerated from a Christian or a secular perspective.

Whether you're a teenager, a mom, or somewhere in between I'm writing this to encourage you to take a stand with me. Write a letter to the editor, cancel your subscription if you have one, be a light to the teenagers in your life, don't allow magazines, tv, movies, or any of today's culture get away with being the only voice they hear when it comes to sex.

E-mail the editors of Seventeen Magazine about the Love and Sex segment in the February Issue at mail@seventeen.com

Articles like this are so discouraging, so much of this worldly world we live in is discouraging, but I live and find peace in the comfort Jesus Christ gives us when He assures us:

"Take heart! I have overcome the world!"

John 16:33

Embracing Stage Fright

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

So, a few weeks ago I had to go to this class in Baton Rouge with some coworkers. It was somewhat of a traumatizing experience for me... Those of you who know me really well will completely understand this... Near the end of the class the words "role-play" came up... I immediately felt my heart rate increase, and feelings of intense dread and fear began to take over as the time drew closer and closer. Really... I know sometimes I over-dramatize things, this is not an over-exaggeration in the least... I told my group members that if they chose me to do the role-play I would break out in a sweat and walk out, ha! Pathetic, right? Well... the time came, and they all looked at me to go up there!!! This is embarrassing... I adamantly shook my head "no," and actually got wispy like I was gonna cry! I was SO embarrassed, but it was like I had no control over the fear that overcame my body and mind... Now I can laugh about it... A LOT... but in that moment, I just sat there and counted the seconds until the class would end and I could get away from these people who saw how weak and afraid I was... Haha, oh man, I guess my shyness hasn't completely escaped me just yet... Gosh, remember when I used to actually not talk at all...? to anyone?? I've come a long way, for sure.... but I just can't seem to get rid of that pesky stage fright...

A couple of days after the traumatizing experience, Chris and I were listening to Lecrae's newest CD, and these lyrics played:

I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead?

It's evident You run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to Your script, and I'm reading all Your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just gonna lose my soul

Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive...............

I started thinking about my stage fright problem in the realm of my faith... maybe it's not such a bad thing.... (of course, the whole 'fear of man' issue involved in the role-play scenario is a whole different email, ha!)

Recently, I've been miserable at work, overwhelmed and burnt out in a big way... I've had several interviews and ideas of ways to get myself out of there, and I've found myself asking God often... "Why am I a receptionist...? I know this isn't my calling, and I KNOW I didn't graduate from Mercer with a degree in psychology so I could answer phones at a Honda dealership! When are You gonna get me out of here????" It's as if I think I could do it better on my own... I mean, I have lots of really great ideas... I spend a lot of time formulating different things I could do, and how to accomplish them... I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home wife, and focus my energy on serving Chris and helping him with the youth ministry... I spend A LOT of time trying to convince him that MY IDEAS are the right ideas....

...and for some reason, I'm still at Honda... answering phones. What could be the cause of this...?

I know, oh Lord, that a man’s life is not his own;
it is not for man to direct his steps.

Jeremiah 10:23

I know that there is some beautiful purpose for my being at Honda... Can't I rest in that? I actually know a good bit of why He directed me there, He has done incredible things in my life and the lives of others since I started, and has brought some of the most amazing people I know into my life. I've actually seen lives change for Him that wouldn't have changed if He hadn't brought me to Honda! In one case, He introduced us to somebody, Chris and I showed her a webpage, she went to Camp Eagle and was used to introduce high school students to Jesus last summer. Would that have happened if I hadn't followed God and gone to Honda?? What a blessing it has been to see the fruit He has produced through something that seems pointless and that 'I don't like.' I'm so grateful for that!

I love that verse up there. I love how plainly it displays that my life is not my own. It's become my daily prayer that I can live that verse out in my life... that I can take the background, and let God take the lead... Cause I KNOW that if I were to take the lead and actually get to write out the way I want my life to go, I would totally get in the way of His work, less people would know Him, and I wouldn't know Him as well as I do today.

I'm so good at stage fright... I'm trying to become just as good at it from an eternal perspective...

What would happen if every time we tried to push God to the side and take control of our own lives, we had the physical symptoms of stage fright... our heart rate increased, we broke out in a cold sweat, cried and ran the opposite direction...? I bet we would make a lot of different decisions for our lives.

The funny thing is, often He makes it so very clear what He would have us do in different circumstances. We've just become so confident in our own ability to do this life, that we don't pick up on it at all...

Will you pray with me this year to begin embracing stage fright? How our lives will change, and the lives of those God puts our paths, when we take the background and follow HIM where He leads us.

So... on another note, it's already looking like this is going to be an incredibly blessed 2011 for Chris and me! It is SO MUCH FUN to see Him work all around us and in the lives of the students He's blessed us with. I'm so excited for the possibilities and because of your faithful prayers and how the Lord has used each of you, I'm excited to keep all of you in the loop! Actually... I'm trying to start a blog to do just that... I know, I know... it's a little bandwagon-y, and I try not to jump on those, but I love reading them, and if I can make the commitment, I think I'll love writing one too! If you want to follow it, you can find it at hismagnificentsprinkler.blogspot.com.

Each of you has played such an awesome part in my life, thank you so very much for loving us and praying for us the way that you have.

Love you all so much!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God every time I remember you!

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3&4

Do I love God?

And this is my prayer:

that your love may abound more and more

in knowledge and depth of insight,

so that you may be able to discern what is best

and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,

filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—

to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

So, I had this conversation with one of my girls recently:

Me: "You know that I love you, right?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "The next time I see you, what if I punch you in the face, laugh, and make fun of you... Will you still know that I love you, or will you have some doubt...?"
Her: ((laughs)) "I'm gonna have some doubt........"

We finished our talk, I hung up the phone with her, and was left staring at ME, asking myself some questions......

Do I love God...?
Do I even know what it means to really love God?
How often do I punch God in the face.... and laugh??
If somebody were to ask God if He knows that I love Him, would He have some doubt?
Do I fully understand what happens to people who don't love God?

Oh man..... Heavy stuff.....

Then... more questions................

Do I understand what Jesus did for me, in my place, so that I wouldn't have to experience the consequences of not loving Him?
Do I love what He did for me?
Have I taken advantage of what He did for me by not living as though I love Him?
Can I change that?
Do I know how to change that?
Do I even want to change that????

Do I love God?????????????

Ugh.... it didn't stop... it went around and around in circles............
and here's my understanding of it all...

Jesus came into this world all those years ago... in a barn... in a feeding trough...
Jesus. Is. GOD!!!!! ...that's important.
He did amazing, incredible things while He was here, and taught us about love, and peace, and lots of other good stuff.
Then He died.... for ME... and for YOU...
Instead of me dying, HE DIED.
It should have been me.... because of my ridiculous sin, my unbelievable lack of love for my Creator and God...
But even though I haven't loved Him, He loves me.
Enough to be beat and scoffed at.... punched in the face and laughed at!!!
Enough to be slaughtered in my place.
And did He ever once question His love for the people (ME!) who punched Him, laughed at Him and didn't love Him???

NO!

As He breathed His final breaths, His words of His murderers were: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

So to answer my questions....

Do I love God...? Yes.
Do I even know what it means to really love God? I think so...
How often do I punch God in the face.... and laugh?? umm.... A LOT!
If somebody were to ask God if He knows that I love Him, would He have some doubt? ...........probably.
Do I fully understand what happens to people who don't love God? Yes!
Do I understand what Jesus did for me, in my place, so that I wouldn't have to experience the consequences of not loving Him? Maybe not as much as I thought I did...
Do I love what He did for me? Of course.
Have I taken advantage of what He did for me by not living as though I love Him? Yes!
Can I change that? Yes!
Do I know how to change that? ummm....?
Do I even want to change that???? .................................

Do I love God????????????? Maybe I need to reevaluate... Maybe this requires a choice... Will I love Godenough to CHOOSE to change my life, and live in a way that honors Him, in a way that those who come into contact with me will experience not only love for Him, but even more so, His love for them...? He certainly deserves it... He died for me!

Oh, God, help me overcome my lack of love for YOU, my Creator and my Savior! Help me love you with all of my thoughts, my words, my actions. Help me to CHOOSE LOVE.

This is my conviction, and conviction leads to change... "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret,
but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 corinthians 7:10)

Today, God is showing me how little I have trusted him, and He's asking me to love Him through the joy and contentment found in TRUSTING Him. So today, I choose to stop whining, give God my future and trust Him with it.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

show me the way I should go,

for to You I entrust my life."

Psalm 143:8

How will He ask me to love Him better tomorrow...? I don't know... One thing I know for sure, I'm not short on options!!

Will you choose to love Him today, however He asks you to?

I hope you have a beautiful Christmas, and that each of you is sweetly reminded of why this holiday exists..... as the beginning of a beautiful rescue mission for me and you!!!

Thank you all for your prayers for Chris and I and the ministry the Lord has trusted us with here in Louisiana. He is so good to us, even when we seem to forget all about Him...

Merry Christmas!

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God every time I remember you,

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3

crazy, awesome, life-changing... lazy?

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:2-31

This summer........ this summer was crazy, awesome, life changing! I think if any of you looked at our calendar for the summer, you would have first thought "Fun!" and at second glance, you would have wondered how we kept our sanity! Any given week during the last three months we had 5-7 youth events/bible studies/dinners/appointments/meetings.... all of that on top of work! Craziness! NOT complaining... We would not have planned it that way if we didn't think we could handle and enjoy every minute of it... and we did! It truly was crazy,awesome and life changing!!

...all of this activity and yet, this past week I've found myself feeling unbelievably LAZY!

.......which is so funny because just the other morning on the radio at work I heard about THIS:

"In a new ranking by Businessweek.com based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), Louisiana claims the top spot as the country's laziest state." (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38382866/ns/business-bloomberg_businessweek/)

I find this SO interesting, because if you recall from a few emails ago, Louisiana is also the HAPPIEST state in the country... Apparently, we are so happy, and content that we just sit here in our happiness, refusing to move forward, just....... lounging in our laziness...

So after I heard that, I was totally blown away by the implications this new finding has for my faith! And completely in awe of the awesome people in my life who have become incredible role-models for me of what it looks like NOT to be content with where your faith is, and to get up off your butt and let yourself be used to change lives and the world!

This summer with our college group we read "The Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I highly recommend it! It was incredible, totally convicting and challenging! I found myself totally frozen in fear every week reading about this awesome Spirit that dwells INSIDE OF ME(woah!!), and can enable me to do anything within His will... that's right... ANYTHING! My lazy self is too fearful to get up off the couch and let God grow me and use me... Really, half the time, I'm too lazy to even open my Bible and read it everyday... When I heard about my new home state's lean towards laziness, I definitely realized my place in that, and began to wonder about my Christian community here in the Pelican state... Do you realize that we could literally CHANGE THE WORLD if we weren't too lazy and afraid to let Him grow and use us???? That is incredible!!!!!

So to end the summer on an awesome and life-changing note, we took 6 of our 'babies' to Camp Eagle, my new home away from home! Y'all, really, this was an absolutely AMAZING week, in every way possible! Aside from the very comforting and amazing events following Arissa's death, I have never ever experienced the presence of God so visibly before me, and I will never forget the things He did that week. He changed our kid's lives, and He used them to change ours, and that's a pretty awesome feeling! So, in the aftermath, we have gotten to enjoy seeing our amazing youth in intense combat with this whole laziness factor that is SO easy to give into, and I just couldn't live with myself if Ididn't share what God is doing here!

There's a 16 year old boy in our group named Blake. Blake is an inspiration to me and to our whole group. He is autistic, he's afraid of deep water, he doesn't like staying up late, he hates school with a passion, and he utters red-rum (The Shining; it's murder spelled backwards) under his breath very repetitively throughout the day. He loses his temper and gets very frustrated when doing something he doesn't want to do or doesn't think he should have to do. But let me tell you, this kid loves Jesus, and despite his disability, his love and trust in Jesus is totally apparent and rubs off on everyone around him! Our group became so close because of Blake, and Chris and I saw parts of our kids personalities come out that we never knew about before! Helping Blake, praying with Blake, pouring love out on Blake... it was incredible! Blake conquered every one of his fears at camp, and in his journal writes that when he prayed to God he was able to do the things he was afraid of. He also stated often at camp that when he felt like satan was tempting him to leave an activity or session because he was tired, he prayed and God helped him stay up late at night. Every time he did get frustrated and lose his temper, just moments later he was praying for forgiveness and apologizing to the group. Blake prayed almost constantly. Just about anytime we knew he was getting agitated, we could look over at him and see him in prayer. What if we all lived like Blake does?? What if we weren't too lazy to ask God for help and to conquer our fears...? What do you think He would do through YOU? The possiblities are limitless!!

That kind of fearless prayer continued throughout the week, as we heard stories of our kids laying hands on other kids and praying, and those kids accepting Christ! As we drove home, our kids requested that we take a meal to a homeless man we saw on the exit ramp and pray for him. At one point on the trip, one of the vehicles began acting up, and didn't look like it would make it the rest of the 10 hours home. One girl requested to pray over the truck, and within about 2 minutes the driver called us and the truck was running perfectly! It didn't experience any problems the rest of the trip!! And to top all of that off, one of our boys who accepted Christ on the trip was baptized this past Sunday despite his paralyzing fear to stand before the congregation! Awesome!

There are so many more stories I could share, but I think I'm just gonna leave y'all with a couple 'before and after' stories to ponder...

One of our girls admitted that she had NEVER prayed before. On the last night of camp, she stepped outside of worship and prayed by herself for the first time in her life. This is just days after giving up and burning a silly book she had built her own religion out of. She came home from camp and shared her new faith with all the friends who she was smoking pot with everyday before we went to camp! She can't stop talking about, singing about and thinking about how God changed her life in Texas, and she sang the prelude at church this past Sunday! It was AMAZING, I couldn't stop crying as I watched this brand new child of God worship her Creator! Totally cool! Don't think I was ever that brave!

Another girl had given away her purity a little over a year ago and had decided to change that part of her life last March. She and I went through a 7 week purity course this summer and memorized Psalm 51. She couldn't afford to go to camp, but God is AWESOME and made a way for her to go. This 17 year old girl, who also used to smoke pot often and struggle with sexual sin is literally a new person! I am in awe of her beautiful faith that grows stronger and stronger daily! The first thing she did when she got home was call her best friend and share Jesus with her.... and she hasn't stopped sharing! In fact, after girl #1 sang this past Sunday, this girl stood before the whole church and shared her testimony and her excitement about how God has redeemed and changed her life! She is a true inspiration to me and I know I was never that brave!!

Both of these girls plan on being the opposite of lazy, and enrolling in the Walkabout gap year program (a 9-month discipleship program) that Camp Eagle offers after they graduate next year. (http://campeagle.org/#thewalkabout) Totally awesome program I wish I could have experienced when I was between 18 and 24, and doin nothin but being lazy! Please be in prayer that their faith will continue to grow and that they will continue to seek God daily.

Every job I've had and kid I've worked with I've been excited to have the opportunity to change their lives, but it never fails that my life is the one that ends up being changed! I challenge you to be changed by these high schoolers and their stories as well, and to get up off the couch or whatever your chosen spot of comfort is and let God do some awesome stuff through YOU, without fear and without hesitation.

I love you all very much!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God every time I remember you!

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3