Ooh, Ahh!

As you can imagine, over the last three months Chris and I have had a rotating door of family coming to meet and spend time with Mercy. These have been some very special moments for Chris and me. Getting to see and experience the love that our parents and sisters and aunts and uncles have for our baby girl, and witnessing some of the precious moments between them has been awesome. Listening to my dad sing to Mercy the song he sang to me growing up, watching Chris's dad from a distance as he fed Mercy for the first time, just the two of them, watching the tears roll down my sister's face the first time we placed Mercy in her arms... I could go on and on... One of our favorite things is just standing at a distance and listening to them ooh and ahh over her. Just like us, none of them can get enough of her, they could stare at her all day, and still not have had enough! In their eyes, she is just about perfect!

I was listening to Chris's parents ooh and ahh just the other weekend, and I wondered... does God, our Father, ooh and ahh over us??

...afterall, when creating the universe, He stated that everything He made was "good." But when He made man from the dust of the earth, He stated that man was "very good." That seems like a type of oohing and ahhing, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, we read that not long after those very words were spoken, mankind ruined "very good..." and we continue to ruin "very good" to this day, with our constant sinfulness and unrepentance.

And really, are we that different from Mercy?? In the very moments that her grandparents were in awe of her apparent perfection, she was probably stinkin' it up with a big poopy diaper. That same night, she most likely screamed and woke her parents up several times, resulting in a very sleepy momma the next day, I'm sure she peed on several clean outfits each day that weekend, and she most certainly spit up on almost all of us several times. She ruins perfection. It's an unfair standard though... She's a baby, and those are all things that babies do. Do they make her less precious in our eyes, or make us love her any less? Please... Of course not! We couldn't love this kid more than we do when she pees on us, it's just so precious and hilarious, I wanna pick her up and squeeze her adorableness! ...of course, first I have to clean her.

Similarly, "very good" is a standard we can't reach. We are a sinful people. By nature, we will never reach "very good." We ruin it each and every day... we're human and we're sinful and that's what we do. Of course, when we are in Christ, does our sinfulness cause Him to love us any less?? I don't think it does... 

But... because we're sinful and God is holy, we cannot be in His presence covered in sin. We have to be cleaned first!

Isn't it awesome that we belong to the best cleanser of all time? When Jesus gave His life up on the cross, each of His children were washed clean! He even calls us His treasured possession! I think that sounds like some ooh's and ahh's, don't you? 

BUT... read this again: "Similarly, "very good" is a standard we can't reach." A couple of side notes that make our situation with sin very different from Mercy's situation as an infant. "Very good" is NOT an unfair standard for us, and our sin nature does NOT give us a free pass to sin. Unlike Mercy, who get's a free pass to pee on us and scream at 3am, WE are called to turn from our sin and follow Christ. We are called to reach for the goal of "very good" knowing that it is unattainable and the only way we can be clean in God's presence is through Jesus Christ. Isn't it fantastically awesome that we are so deeply loved by our Creator that we are given the opportunity to turn from our sin and be clean?? Gosh, I love that!

So, we went to the doctor Tuesday... Mercy was 5lb 13.5oz! She had gained an ounce a day since our last visit, and if that has continued, she should be right at SIX POUNDS today!! I can't believe it, she will have tripled her birthweight before we know it! She is getting so big, and we couldn't be more in love with her preciousness. She has just as much personality as she did in the NICU plus lots of smiles! She makes eye contact with us and follows us with her eyes, she picks her head up when she's laying against us and looks right into our eyes! She is so strong and so fantastic! It won't be long before we can take her out and introduce her to the world! Can't wait for that!

Thanks for sticking around and keeping us all in your prayers! We continue to grow together and learn from each other and it. is. awesome!

Turning 30

I always had pictured in my head what it would be like to turn 30. I fully believed it would probably be one of the top 10 most traumatic days of my life. Not just my life up until then, but my life, my entire life. I think I felt like turning 30 would mean saying goodbye to my last bit of "youngness." I would no longer be a young adult, just an adult... a 30 year old adult. Ugh!

Well, today I turned 30... and I have to say, it has most definitely been the best birthday yet! Waking up this morning and seeing Mercy's sweet face all precious in her little sleeper next to our bed.... no, turning 30 wasn't so bad after all.

In fact, I think I'm going to like this next decade very much! Not only is today my big 30th birthday, but it's Mercy's one month anniversary of being home! Can't believe it's been a month! I was literally telling people this past week that she had been home for about a week and a half... Wrong! a MONTH! How did that happen??

The best part about all of this is that today marks the first of years and years of 'month anniversaries' with this precious gift being home with us. I can't imagine a better birthday blessing than the celebration of this little life we've been blessed with and her homecoming.

Our homecoming/birthday picture!

I love this passage, as I think about this next decade and reflect on the last 2 1/2 months...

Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob,

all the remnant of the people of Israel,

you whom I have upheld since your birth,

and have carried since you were born.

Even to your old age and gray hairs

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:3-4

January 18 was so unexpected, such a surprise that I never would have chosen for myself. I had such big plans for my pregnancy. None of them came to be... BUT the end result was perfect, exactly as it was planned from before the creation of the world... and although if asked beforehand I would never have chosen this journey, looking back on it now I wouldn't change it for anything. I'm SO grateful for each moment since January 18.

I don't know what this next decade will hold for us. I have such tendencies to want to control the outcome of all situations in my life. I'm learning how completely ridiculous that is, and my hope is that I can continue to draw from our experience with Mercy in the NICU and remember how God carried us through His good and perfect will for Mercy's first seven weeks... that I can completely rely on and trust in HIM to achieve His good and perfect will, that I would throw control out the window, toss my plans out with it, and let Him accomplish His plans for us... that I would accept surprises and hardships with complete trust in HIS control of the situation. I know that looking back on this next decade will reveal something awesome... that even when we are brought down a path we wouldn't have chosen, even to our old age and gray hairs, it is HE who will sustain us. He has made us and He will carry us; He will sustain us and He will rescue us... and He will sustain you too!

What an awesome promise! So looking forward to whatever lies ahead! 

So turning 30 wasn't at all what I expected. I don't feel all old and decrepit like I thought I would... I feel so full, so blessed, so ready and excited for what my 30's will hold!

Thank you for walking here with me! It has been a very awesome journey!

Scallop Wall Tutorial!

Hello!!

This is the long awaited tutorial for the scallop wall in my daughter's nursery! I've back dated this post so it will show up immediately after the reveal post, but am actually writing this a year and a half later... hope my memory's not too foggy! But truthfully, this process was not terribly complicated. Just time consuming and tedious.

This is where we started... Boooring. At the time, this was the color of all but one wall in our house, and I hate it. 

I. Love. Color. So when it came time to create a masterpiece for the nursery, I had to go a little crazy!

This super pink. LOVE it, and it covers three walls in the nursery.

This is the lighter of the two blues. The night before the big project, we went ahead and painted the pink walls, and we painted the entire accent wall this lighter blue.

...and this is what it looked like in the morning! Honestly, I would have been happy with it just like this, and my mom, who did most of the painting, tried her hardest to convince me. BUT I had a mermaid nursery to create, and there was no stopping me!

After painting the walls, we went to work on the template. I happened to have a big box in the attic from a TV we got several years back. we cut one side and unfolded the box to make one long strip. We made one scallop the size I wanted by using a pin, some string and a pencil. Stuck the pin, tied the string around it and the pencil and then drew a half circle. Then we used an xacto knife to cut it out! We used that template to draw the scallops across the long strip of cardboard as seen in the photo below, leaving about two inches between the point of the scallop and the top of the cardboard. Sorry for the quality! Had to grab this one from instagram...

Then, again, we used the knife to cut the long strip of scallops.

A couple of friends came over the next morning for the hard part. TRACING. This was definitely the hardest part. Especially because I did NOT want the scallops to begin in the corner right at their point... I don't know, I'm weird... Anyway, much harder than it sounds, they held the template and traced around it LIGHTLY with a pencil, and they just moved down the wall. 

And here they are! All traced on, and you can see where we had to make some adjustments... That's due to my weirdness with the points not starting in the corner.

And the painting began!! I'm guessing we did the x's so we wouldn't paint the wrong scallops, but can't totally remember. This is my sweet friend Angie who brought her tiny paint brushes over to take care of the those tiny points. We used a bigger brush for the rest of the outline, but not too much bigger, as you can see in this photo.

This is my sweet friend Sara with the tiny roller. I guess it was four inches or so, but it really made quick work of the inside of the scallops! Like I said, the tracing was the hardest part! The outlining in paint wasn't so much hard as it was tedious and slow, the rest was easy peasy!

These wonderful ladies working hard!!

The rolling went sooo quickly, so then we were all able to help with the outlines, but we left the points to Angie and she did an amazing job!

And here it is!! The finished wall!

I think what helped the most in the process was deciding at the last minute to paint the entire wall the lighter blue the night before. I can't even imagine how much longer this would have taken if we hadn't done that! 

A LOT of work... But was it worth it??

7 weeks

OH yes!!

2 months

What do YOU think??

1 year

7 weeks - 6 months - 9 months - 1 year - 18 months

Mercy's Mermaid Wonderland

I am very excited about this post! I've been dying to get some good photos of Mercy's nursery, I have had SO. MUCH. FUN planning it and decorating it! So I'm very excited to share it here!

Before I get to that, I'll give you an update on our Mercy girl. We had a doctor's appointment today and were able to talk about apnea, weight gain, nursing, vaccinations, etc... It was a good visit. Yesterday Mercy had another episode of apnea, she wasn't breathing and her alarm went off. This time she was sleeping on Chris and he was right there to startle her into breathing again and all was well. Get ready for a post about how grateful I am for that heart monitor! So we decided to go up on her caffeine, from .55ml to .6ml. Yes, .05ml is enough to make a difference! Hard to believe, like how 5 calories per feeding is enough to make a difference in her weight gain... so funny. BUT that extra 5 calories sure is making a difference! Mercy is three pounds and one ounce heavier than her birth weight, weighing in today at 5lb 6oz! She's also 4 inches longer, today she was 19 inches! It's hard for me to even remember her being that tiny, she is growing so fast! God is good. Period.

Pinterest is my friend and where my original inspiration for this room came from. A close friend found this wall on Pinterest and said it looks like a mermaid fin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/279504720595177079/

...it does, and I wanted a mermaid themed room, so that is where we began... with Mercy's mermaid wonderwall:

Amazing mermaid wonderwall credit goes to Angie Lofton, Sara Clark and my mom. I was super pregnant and super sick, and I think I did an awesome job supervising! (here's the tutorial post on the scalloped wall if you're interested!)

 ...and of course, the other three walls had to be super pink, otherwise this wouldn't be Anna Kathryn Ellzey's daughter's nursery... right?

Next we (and by 'we' I mean my mom, while I, again, supervised awesomely) refinished this old chest of drawers which was once Mercy's Granddaddy's!

Love it! Oh, and the lamp, that was Mercy's first room decoration, a gift from our dear friends the Ballays! Isn't it fantastic??

Here are some shots of the finished product:

 I made the bedding, I might redo the skirt one day for something a little louder... it'll do for now! The frames came from thrift shops and were spray painted white and the graphics I did on Illustrator. 

We love her. 

 I made the drapes from the same fabric inside the bumper pads. So. Simple. Just hemmed them and used rings with clips to hang them! I actually didn't even hem the bottom, I decided I liked them pooled on the carpet like that.

The quilt was made by a good friend who volunteers where I worked before Mercy came into the world (facebook.com/samcenfoodbank). It matches the drapes and bedding as well! ...and I made the pillows with leftover fabric. I did most of the artwork and sewing in the room, I was determined to create an awesome space on a very small budget, and I'm crafty anyways so it was fun!

Gotta keep the pink Clemson hat and socks displayed!

 The beginning of Mercy's cross wall! That cross in the middle was a wood cross from Hobby Lobby that I modpodged with tissue paper from the weekly gifts we received in the mail from one of Chris's neighbors! 

Our snuggle spot. I'm in love with this chair, so comfy! 

 Some of our favorite photos from our time in the NICU, and that's our first valentine from Mercy, one of her sweet nurses made it!

I just love that lamp. 

...and he is my favorite part of the room, Mr. Whale Hamper! Look how he watches over everything!

Here's a collage of the room that the amazing Melissa Breedlove (http://www.melissabreedlove.com/#) put together from our homecoming photoshoot:

Pretty awesome, right??

So that's it, Mercy's Mermaid Wonderland, best room in the house! Hope you enjoyed touring it as much as I enjoyed creating it! Now... if I could make our other rooms look as awesome as this one...

Feelin like a bad momma...

Mercy's heart monitor has eight or so different lights on it. The lights across the bottom just tell us if it's on, plugged in, low battery, that type of thing. The three lights above those are the one's that blink to tell us she's breathing and her heart is beating, and they SCREAM when something is wrong. 

The normal scenario is this: the band that wraps around Mercy's chest holding the leads shifts around because she's such a wiggle worm and they stop picking up her heart beat. The alarm goes off telling us she has a low heart rate... she doesn't really, the monitor is confused because the leads are funky. The only alarm that has ever gone off is the low heart rate alarm, and only on two or three occasions have we actually thought she was having an episode of bradycardia. 

So today, I put her in a precious dress and we celebrated Easter at home while Chris went to church. His family just got to town and were meeting him at church then coming to our house for an Easter crawfish boil. So when they were on their way home I decided to take the monitor off for photos when they got here. No big deal, it almost never goes off and we would be right with her to notice if her color was changing or her heart slowed down. It didn't, and she did fine... 

So, we headed out back for the crawfish and decided to leave Mercy just inside the door with her audio/video monitor on her. Last minute decision, I was a little uneasy about being outside while she was inside by herself, so I put her heart monitor back on and we headed out.

Not two minutes after we sat down, the alarm began screaming. Didn't worry me too much, and I got inside to make sure she was fine after about ten or fifteen seconds. By then it had stopped alarming and she looked peaceful and asleep. I reached down to the monitor to hit the reset button and saw something that I had not seen before...

It was not the low heart rate alarm... it was the breathing alarm. She had briefly stopped breathing... the alarm doesn't go off unless she hasn't taken a breath for 20 seconds and it went off for at least five or ten before it stopped. She was fine and she was breathing again, but the problem is... she hadn't taken a breath for over twenty seconds, and she was by herself inside. I wasn't there... I should have been there.

How can I make sure I don't let her forget to breathe for twenty seconds ever again? How can I make sure I'm there everytime she needs me? How can I keep her from making mistakes and getting hurt? How can I......?

Gotta face a tough reality.... I can't.

...and somehow I have to be ok with that.

WHAT??? I'm not sure that seems even remotely possible!

I'm really struggling with this today. I know that's not my role... and thank God it isn't! I could never protect her well enough, and I would fail as her protector.

So thankful for her Heavenly Father, Who promises never to leave or forsake His children. So grateful that while she rests in my physical arms, she rests in His perfect and protective heavenly arms. SO. GRATEFUL. that whatever the outcome of her life is, HE. IS. GOOD. and has not, will not, forsake us.

Have to remember to trust Him when I can't be there, when my head tells me to forget it and take control of the situation, when I'm scared, fearful, anxious, when it's just plain hard to trust Him... trust Him. He is GOOD! 

I certainly don't have it figured out, I'm still getting wispy when I picture that red light next to the illustration of lungs on her monitor, when I think about her little body not breathing in any oxygen for more than 20 seconds, when I remember not being there for her. Still feeling like a bad momma for not being there when she needed me. Still worrying about her and still praying for trust.

Pray with me?

What a gift she is... Look at her today, all dressed up for our Easter celebration and smiling for the camera:

This was our Easter sermon today: http://www.radical.net/media/series/view/17/adoption-an-easter-story/audio?filter=book&book=40
We still can't go to church, so we listened to an old Easter service from Church at Brook Hills and were so blessed by David Platt's sermon on adoption into the family of God. You should listen, it's good stuff!

Thank you for reading and thank you for praying. Today we are asking God for increased trust as I continue to be her momma by daily laying her in His protective arms.