Development, Part 2

The Occupational Therapist came today, and we were excited to see her! We have been working so hard on our homework and just had so much to show her!

Now that Mercy's adjusted age is 3 1/2 months, we've moved on to our 3-4 month list of development milestones:

• Begin head control in supine sit/stand
• no more bobble head baby!!!
• Reaches toward dangling object
• swatting, not grabbing yet!
• Looks at hands
• and her feet! ...stares and studies them!
• "Fly Baby" position prone
• so funny... arms and legs high in the air while she's on her belly!
• Holds feet in air supine
• like she's anticipating her diaper changes!
• Beginning to comfort self
• with her entire fist in her mouth!
• Clears chest with forearm propping head up
• getting sooo strong!
• Tracks horizontal/vertical
• she watches us walk across the room when we put her down and walk away!
• Shows anticipation for interaction
• big smiles when daddy walks in the door!
• Brings object to mouth to explore
• not really grabbing things and bringing them anywhere yet, but again, entire fist in mouth!
• Vocalizing more
• she's talking to her daddy right now!
• Rolls prone to supine

...and that's what I want to write about tonight!

Mercy rolled over twice in the NICU. We weren't there for either, but we told the nurses to pleeease record it if it happened again... It didn't but they explained it like this: she would get leverage from the rolled up blanket next to her leg and push with everything in her until she flipped over. So we just naturally assumed that this would be a task we would bring her home with, and that she would just start rolling over all the time pretty much immediately. Soon after she came home, I saw her do it once, and since then, she hasn't been crazy about being on her tummy at all. In fact, when we put her on her belly, she would typically whine and whine until she was all out screaming and we would give in and help her roll over. There were two times recently that I let her whine while I did dishes, and I looked over at her when she stopped and she was on her back! Big girl! I had to leap over to her and smother her with kisses, so proud of her for that! Then... next tummy time it was back to the crying...

...until yesterday!

I went in her room with her and laid her on her belly. I laid right in front of her as she picked herself up with her arms. I could see how hard she was trying... She was picking her back legs up and trying to push them over to the side, and she was leaning so hard... then, it happened!

She just tumbled right over!

I flipped her, and she rolled right back over... and over and over and over every time I flipped her back! She never once even whimpered and she must have rolled over six or seven times!

Just in time for the OT to come today!

I have been begging that little girl to roll over like that for weeks now... but she tackled it right on time! And our OT was sooo impressed watching her roll today!

Impeccable timing, little one...

Do you ever want something to happen or change soooo so so bad, and you pray about it and pray about it and meddle a little, and then a lot, and pray some more but start to wonder if God doesn't really... care? Or maybe He just doesn't want you to be... happy? ...to get what you want? ...to be successful at what you're working towards?

I think back often to my appointment on January 18th... the routine monitoring that led to the emergency c-section that brought our daughter into the world 2 1/2 months early.

We waited and prayed for a long time for Mercy... about three years. There were times that I thought pregnancy wasn't part of God's plan for our family... It was ok, we talked about adoption and got certified as foster parents... We did a lot of respite care with the group homes but the door seemed to close on every child we prayed about bringing into our home... There were pregnancy tests, doctor's visits, phone calls to the social workers, tears and overall a lot of sadness... There were times I thought, with a lot of anger and pain, that parenting may not be a part of God's plan for our family...

...and then there was God. And His timing.

And His timing is impeccable.

You can read this (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mercyellzey/journal/3/0/asc) if you're interested in the whole story... but the best part is that Mercy wouldn't be here today if liver disease hadn't taken me to the hospital for routine monitoring on January 18th.

As we approach Mercy's SIX MONTH birthday next week, I am finding myself unbelievably grateful to this God who doesn't owe me anything but a trip to hell, and yet He has given me grace and love beyond understanding in the precious life He allowed me to carry for 6 1/2 months and allows me to love and take care of today. In this world's timing, we should have lost her. In His timing, He led us through a uniquely perfect path that brought her into the world, brought her into our home two months later, and tomorrow, brings her back to the hospital one last time to run some tests to remove the heart monitor for good. Truly amazing.

How can we not be in awe of Him? How can we not trust in His perfect timing?

Whatever it is you're waiting for, friends, place your trust wholly in Him. His plan may look different than yours, but it's good, so much better than you could ever imagine... and every little detail of it will come together in His perfect time.

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13-14

We certainly never imagined liver disease, ventilators or preemie clothes in our plan for our family, but I can tell you this for sure: we have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and we would not go back and change one second of Mercy's story.

But... to be honest, I've often wondered if I would feel this same way if things had turned out differently. I find myself absolutely in awe of the faith of those who have been down or are going down a harder path than Chris and I briefly traveled...

Please pray for the Davis's. Chris worked with Marshall at Eagle Ranch years ago. He and his wife are traveling a hard path, and trusting God in ways I can't even dig deep enough into my heart to understand... but my faith is strengthened because of it. Read this, pray, grow, and pray some more: http://www.marshallandmary.com/

Thank you, friends. Love you all so very much!

Way to persevere, baby girl!

I tell people all the time that parenting and motherhood have been so much easier than Chris or I expected it to be. We have been blessed with a super laid back baby girl who just wants to be loved on, smile and squeal. She likes to sleep through the night, take good naps in the day, put rolls on her belly, and meet her milestones on time or ahead of time. Pretty awesome stuff, we sure are loving every minute of it!

That being said, transitions are always a little weird around here... specifically when they involve feeding this child.

Transitioning from tube feedings to nursing... incorporating bottles, trying to unincorporate bottles, pumping... pumping... pumping... trying to stop pumping, attempting exclusive nursing... starting pumping again, starting to incorporate full formula bottles, and finally, rice cereal... FROM A SPOON. I can't get over that... we have a 5 1/2 month old on our hands here, how did that happen so fast??

Anyways, all of this has definitely revealed something to me... Mercy and I have this in common: we like to take the easy way out.

It has been extremely hard for me to continue the nursing battle, but we're doing ok and as hard as it's been, I'm super glad that I've persevered. All that 'gladness' aside, every single day I've highly considered taking the easy way out and just going full formula.

And I don't think it's been too much easier on Mercy's end either. She knows her bottles and she stares them down while she's nursing! There were times she would just scream and scream, refusing to nurse until I would give her some milk from the bottle, then we would try again... Thank God, that's not where we are today, but definitely part of the journey!

So when we started the rice cereal we didn't know what to expect.... and it has been such a familiar experience. I had to start hiding her bottle  because she would scream and just look at it, as if she were begging, "Mommy, pllleeeease!!!! This is tooo hard, I'm hungry and this is soooo sloooow!" I gave in a couple times, I cried a few times, I made Chris take over several times... Oh, we were not enjoying this transition!

Watch this:

That's how we have our rice cereal these days! So sweet, right???

Just took a little perseverance on baby girl's part, and we're good to go now! It is part of the morning and evening that I think we both look forward to now. I just can't get enough of those squeals!

Momma was trying to give up... Mercy kept going, through the tears and the frustration and the awfulness of WAITING and not understanding what that new weird consistency stuff was... she kept going.

...and now she is all smiles, loving every bit of it, even acting like she wants more when we're done! So proud of that sweet girl!

Watching her own this really got me thinking about my tendency to take the easy way on A LOT of the things I do every day... as a housewife, as a mom, as a daughter of the King. I have a super lazy streak, and that really contributes to just doing what's quicker and easier instead of what's better and might take a little more effort... not something I'm proud of, but something that's true.

Here's another little nugget of truth for you:
We're not promised ease. In fact, we're promised quite the opposite:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33b)

That's Jesus talking there... He also said this:

“The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.” (Luke 9:22)

Talk about not taking the easy way out, right?? And this is what He asks of us:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? (Luke 9:23-25)

Nope... not promised ease at all... and believe me, that's not an 'easy' message for a lazy girl!

But one thing I know for sure is this: It. Is. Worth. It!

It's worth the extra effort, the frustration, pain, persecution, hardships... it's worth every bit of it!

Wanna know why?

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39)

So why should we care about being loved by God? Because this is what He promises us:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

...and how can we not put in the effort it takes to live in amazement and gratitude for that!

Eventually Mercy's going to move on the next thing, and we'll learn and grow together again... I will continue to look back at these times, that sweet video, and remember those squeals... How worth it it was for her to persevere and put the extra work into eating from that spoon, how squealingly happy it made her... and hopefully I will learn again and again from her perseverance as I seek to put real effort into being a Godly wife and momma.

Where are some areas of your life that you tend to take the easy way out?

For me, it's keeping my house clean, folding the laundry (I really just want to throw it all in the drawers, but ironing... that's really a lot of work!), cooking good meals (instead of frozen pizza several times a week!), relationships, confrontation, really getting into God's word... Sometimes my desire for ease leads to sin, to unbelief, to growing backwards... and that's something I need to work on.

Let's work on it together... Let's do this:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:1-3

It's gonna take some effort to break the habit of taking the easy way out... it's time to stop being lazy, friends, and start really living for the One who gave His very life so that you and I might have an eternity of rest and ease within His presence. Pretty awesome. Pretty worth it!

Milestone Week!

This was a week of milestones!

For starters, Tuesday was Mercy's FIVE MONTH birthday!!! Can you believe that? The time has truly flown, and this baby girl is GROWING. UP.

We also had an OT visit Tuesday, where Mercy showed us how she can swat at things! Not grabbing yet, but swatting is new and almost there! Proud of that girl!

On Thursday we had a doctor's visit, and Mercy is 9lb 9.5oz! Look at these rolls:

While at the doctor we got two big announcements:

First, it's time to STOP. GIVING. HER. CAFFEINE! Our sleep study will be July 10th and she has to be completely off caffeine for at least two weeks beforehand. This is a really big deal, because if she passes her sleep study, we get to turn in the heart monitor and be completely wire-free permanently! We've been trying to wean ourselves off of the monitor over the last week or so, leaving it off of her when she's awake and we're right by her. It's going to definitely take some getting used to, especially overnight, but we are so so SOOO looking forward to being 'unattached'! Yay!

And second, since Mercy is five months old, we get to start giving her rice cereal!! ...with a SPOON! It's seriously adorable and... interestingly difficult at the same time. I always enjoy seeing her learn new skills, and this has been no exception! Look how precious:

So, we're heading to the beach tomorrow... I had Mercy barricaded on the bed while I folded laundry and packed for the trip. She has this new toy that sings, giggles and lights up when it's touched or moved. She is fascinated by the lights and the mirror, so every time it stopped, I leaned over and touched it for her.

I stepped out of the room briefly and heard the toy start singing! She made it turn on on her own!!! Oh my! I rushed in and she was just smiling in the mirror... and every time the noise stopped, she slung her hand against it to start it up again! She was really getting it! Of course, I couldn't let this happen without  snapping a photo:

I cannot get enough of this kid! I pretty much didn't accomplish anything after that, I just couldn't stop watching her play and learn! Awesome!

Mercy and this fun toy... totally opposite responses to their wants...

Mercy wants to be entertained, and she knows how to get a response. She just has to reach out for it.

The toy, it wants to be reached out to, but it won't do anything until it's touched...

Are you more like Mercy or her toy?

Sometimes we want God to act in our lives so badly, but we don't do anything. We just wait here, hoping He does something because He's God and because we say that we love Him.

Other times, when we need closeness to Him and peace from Him, we talk to Him, we show that we love Him, we reach out to touch Him and enjoy Him. And He acts in our lives! He reveals His peace in ways we will never comprehend. He reveals His glorious beauty and brings us joy even in times of trials.

Often, I find myself waiting. I know that God knows the desires of my heart, and I do love Him, right? ...so I'll just do my own thing, go about my business, and surely He'll eventually act...

I'm just not convinced that's how He asks us to love Him...

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him, and he will act.

Psalm 37:3-5

Delight in Him, reach out to Him and enjoy Him. He knows that the greatest need and desire of our hearts is peace in His will, and He has an abundance of that to give out. I know it won't be so difficult to receive when we've devoted ourselves to delighting in HIM alone.

When Mercy has the desire to see those lights blinking and hear that silly music, she has learned just what she needs to do. She reaches out, and delights in what she sees! It draws her back in over and over!

Our God draws us into His heart. He will continually do this as we trust in Him, delight in Him, commit our ways to Him! 

Let's stop saying that we love Him and waiting for Him to act... Instead let's show Him how much we love Him and delight in how He will act and already has acted in our lives! It's good, life changing stuff!

Friends, your prayers for life off of caffeine are much appreciated. It's been three days, still no alarms and we truly believe she has outgrown the apnea and bradycardia. We think we're ready, we feel completely sure she's ready. We'll see, July 10th is a big day!

Thank you, we love you all! ...so so so very much!

Sweet Little Feetsies!

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed?

And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard?

And how are they to hear without someone preaching?

And how are they to preach unless they are sent?

As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” 

Romans 10:13-15

How sweet are these little feetsies??

Thank you http://www.melissabreedlove.com/!

I mean, we literally cannot get enough of them!

Watching them grow has been so. much. fun.

Socked or bare, doesn't matter... (she's usually bare, fyi)

...even underwater. CUTE. Period.

She sticks that big toe out, she's done it since day one. It is seriously one of the most precious things I've ever seen. I cannot do it, it's one of those Mercy gifts that is just uniquely her's. 

We love it. We love HER.

We love the things her Father teaches us through even just her precious details... like her sweet. little. feetsies!

Chris is in Puerto Rico this week with the youth group. Beautiful feet, spreading Jesus' love, taking seriously the call to "GO."

Mercy and I are missing him like crazy! ...but I'm so proud of this group of young people who are completely stepping out of their comfort zone to reach out to people who speak a language they don't understand, to work hard and long in super hot heat, to love strangers the way that Christ has loved them... to walk a path they've not walked before and to use their feet in ways they've never been used before.

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” 

When I look at Mercy's sweet feetsies, I can't help but wonder where He will lead them, what good and perfect path He has laid out for them to walk... I wonder if they will follow... or if those little feet will turn away from His good and perfect path and try to forge their own way.

Those are hard things to think about. We pray for her salvation each and every day and ultimately, we know it's in her Father's hands... and we trust Him. We believe He has beautiful plans for this little lady and we are excited to see them play out... may not happen exactly the way we want it to happen, there may be some months or years of running away from Him, or she may follow His call far, far away, maybe she follows His call and is a short drive away from her daddy and I forever (that's the preferred option!) If her future path is anything like the path she was on her first few months, it will most definitely be an adventurous one!

...whatever it is, we are excited to see where He leads those beautiful feet and how he uses them to spread His good news: Jesus! 

Gets me thinking about my own feet... the paths they have walked, the ways they've been used and the running that they've done. Have they brought the good news to the lost? Have they represented well the feet of Jesus? They seem well callused and worn from the trials and excitement, and the funny thing is: I know they are still only in the very first miles of their journey... and I can't ask those hard questions about Mercy's little feet if I can't ask them about my own: I wonder where He will lead them, and I wonder, will they follow?

I believe God looks at our feet the way Chris and I look at Mercy's, with intense love and desire for them to walk towards Him.

We are all called to use our feet. We are called to use them to spread the love of Jesus and the journey that His feet walked, the journey up a hill with a wooden cross on His back... the journey that rescued you and I from death... the journey that gives us the opportunity to breathe in new life each and every day... How can we not love the beautiful feet that walked that path for us when we should have been walking it ourselves, how can we not share their journey and run towards Him who spared our feet??? 

Let's choose today to look at our feet in a new light... as precious little feetsies that God says are beautiful, that He loves much more than Chris and I love our sweet little Mercy's, and with much greater desire to see them walk a path that He has laid out for them, one that glorifies Him and shares His journey. 

We are all called to use our feet.

How will you use yours?

Development

putting weight on her legs and standing on the table with a little help from daddy!

We have an occupational therapist coming to our home every two weeks to work with Mercy and track her development... you know, make sure she's coming along as she should be. She gave us a monthly/bimonthly checklist of things Mercy should be accomplishing, and I thought it might be interesting to share with y'all what we're working on and how Mercy is doing during this process. I'll update on this every time we reach a new set of goals.

So.. According to Mercy's due date, she would be a little over 2 months old, and that's how we measure her development.

The checklist for a healthy 2 month old is this:

• lifts head prone and turns it side to side
• This means she lifts her head and turns it while she's lying on her tummy; she does this very well!!
• tracks across midline 
• This means she follows objects with her eyes as they move across her 'midline;' she's been doing this for a month or so, it's awesome to see her watch one of us stand up and she'll follow us across the room as far as her head will turn!
• turns to side of sound
• This means she turns her head and looks toward the direction sound is coming from; at church last Sunday when Chris got up to give the greeting, she turned her head toward the pulpit the second he started speaking!
• holds objects briefly
• This is self explanatory and if you've seen this little video: http://youtu.be/Qonr8S3CTEc  you can see she is clearly doing this! (I watch this video every day over and over again!! It's seriously one of the cutest things ever!)
• smiles to audible/tactile stimulation
• She is literally ALL SMILES the minute she hears her daddy's voice when he gets home from work! Daddy's girl!
• makes cooing sounds
• This is so much fun for us! She is such a talker, always making happy squeels and what sounds like Pillsbury Doughboy giggles! Gotta get that on camera! Maybe she won't be so awkwardly shy like her momma was!
• decreased head lag pull to sit
• I'm pretty sure this means that when we pull her by her hands to the sitting position from lying on her back, she holds her head up on the way; and she does!
• hand to mouth for self calming
• She hasn't quite figured out how to consistently get that thumb in there yet, but she sucks on those fists like there's no tomorrow!

She passed all of her "tests" with the OT today and is right where she should be in her motor development! Her daddy and I couldn't be prouder of her!

These little steps of development have been so much fun for us to watch. Each new little accomplishment is such an exciting celebration. We actually had a pretty awesome moment today when we were working with her on rolling from her belly to her back... she did it over and over again! Really big deal, that's not on the list until three months! I'll get that video up on youtube soon...

Stop reading now if you're not interested in my emotional drama! But... I've been doing some developing of my own... as a mother, a wife, a woman of God... and what I'm seeing is that Mercy is developing at a much speedier rate than I am!

I've been a momma for 4 1/2 months now, there are some parts of this housewife/mom journey that I hoped I would have down by now... In some areas I've done ok, in others I've failed miserably...

Here we go:

• wakes up at a decent time of the morning and starts moving
• ok, one important thing to understand here is that Mercy likes to sleep as much as I do. Maybe that's an overstatement (ok, probably) but she gives us 9-10 nighttime hours every few days, which is amazing, and she's usually waking me up for the day around 9 or 9:30. That being said, depending on how well you know me, you may understand just how big of a deal 9:30 is!
• keeps the house tidy so Chris can come home and feel relaxed and surrounded by clean-ness
• I struggle a lot with something I inherited called "being lazy" and "procrastination." Period. I have a lot of developing to do here. Ok, one more thing... really, if you came for a visit before I became a momma and and after, you would notice a pretty serious difference in cleanliness... still have a lot of work to do though!
• does the grocery shopping and dinner cooking, only making delicious meals on a small budget!
• I have to say that this is slowly becoming one of my victories (maybe not the delicious part :/ ) but weekly menu planning has saved my life, and I'm enjoying the kitchen more than I ever have before! 
• accepts reality and the hardships that come with mommy-ing a preemie, and has increased patience and trust as she grows
• I would say this was a fail until a couple weeks ago when I had a hard conversation with something we're now calling my "bosom buddy."(A Hard Conversation) Attitude shift.... and on a super awesome note, we're now nursing with no follow up bottle two-three feedings a day, and when we do follow up with a bottle, it's typically no more than two ounces, usually less! I'm almost in tears over here! We have really turned a corner, and even though my freezer is out of pumped milk and the bottles we're giving her are mostly formula, I have been granted peace beyond understanding. God is working in a mighty way and renewing my trust daily! This is a victory!
• eats three decent meals a day
• Fail. I usually eat breakfast but almost always forget lunch until about 4:00, too close to dinner! Can't produce milk if I don't eat and drink. Got some work to do.....
• displays an attitude of Godly forgiveness and grace in my thoughts toward my doctor for calling my baby girl "it" and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of other things I'm bitter about with said "doctor"
• Clearly, this is a miserable fail. I have some serious praying to do about this... it's just that every time I try I get angry and bitter... hmm... maybe that's where I start...
• sets a positive example as a Godly wife and momma for Mercy to watch as she grows
• I don't think this is something that can be fully measured or ever completely developed, more like something that can be worked towards and strived for, and that is definitely what I do, some days more effectively than others, and I trust God to use me in ways I know are immeasurable.
• unconditionally loves the mess out of that baby girl with every fiber of my being, even when she's pooping down my leg and screaming bloody murder in my ear
• It's a victory... and there's lot's of pooping going on!

There's so much more, I don't want to overwhelm you with my developmental drama so I'll save some for her three month list!

Mercy and I are growing together, and we both still have a lot of growing to do. Mercy physically and me spiritually. Can't wait to see God begin to develop our sweet girl's heart for Him, I believe He already is! God is changing both of us each and every day, in fact, some days I look at little Mercy and feel like I can physically see the ounce she put on over the last 24 hours! She is getting so big so fast, probably about 9 pounds now! As quickly as she's growing and as slowly as I am, I know we both still have miles and miles to go before we're done.... actually, are we ever done growing? I don't think so...

What are some areas of development you're working on? How is God changing and molding you as you grow?

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

-Romans 12:1&2

Let's set some goals today and trust God to give us what we need to do what He's called us to do: to grow and develop, to be transformed, more and more into His image each day!

Love to all of you from the Ellzey's! Thank you for your continued prayers, we are loving every new step of this journey and so grateful to each of you for prayerfully helping us get here!